i'm not exaggerating when i label this year's birthday as the worst of the worst in my 19 years of life
yesterday singcai drove us [bro, eunice, i] to korean village for fried sauce noodles
i haven't been eating properly these past few days
he gave me a s&k white jacket as a gift
actually he was using it to bribe me to watch a movie with him
haha of course i refused, i had loads of work to finish
it was a size m, i prefer jackets in size L
and it didn't have a hood
but it's the only gift i've received so far apart from eunice's jacket
what happened to the girl who used to have gifts on her desk before she even reached school?
who never had less than 2 celebrations?
admittedly many people wished me 'happy birthday'
but there were no gifts, no fussing over, no special meals
it feels like they were obliged to greet me
spent the day nerd-ing at university
i wouldn't have envisaged this new level of lameness in my wildest dreams
lunch was a free meal i exchanged by sitting through a dull-as-dust talk
i'm still in denial that my bloody birthday passed like that
my family completely forgot about it
mum picked a fight with me over my timetable in the morning
she didn't want me to go to university so much as it's so far away from home
admittedly i raided the fridge in search of even a silver of cake
but there was only a box of leftover rojak
and the only thing mum said to me in the 5 minutes i saw her at night was, 'remember to fetch fann to school tomorrow'
f*ck them all
those of my friends who'd called didn't help much
i had to put in an effort of sounding cheery when i just wanted to curl up and die
29 jul 08 [tue]
when ying, the only person who'd even mentioned the word 'cake', blew me off today..
i just cried and cried and cried for half an hour while i walked coco
a cake-less birthday, compared to previous years..
when did i become so pathetic?
i had to calm myself the same way i did during my last major breakup
telling myself to go to bed and everything will be different tomorrow
maybe this is all due to hormones
i may need a new supply of medicine to control these fluctuations in moods
even eunice is commenting on how fast i switch from deliriously happy to depressed and back again