Wednesday, 30 July 2008


28 jul 08 [mon]

i'm not exaggerating when i label this year's birthday as the worst of the worst in my 19 years of life

yesterday singcai drove us [bro, eunice, i] to korean village for fried sauce noodles


i haven't been eating properly these past few days

he gave me a s&k white jacket as a gift

actually he was using it to bribe me to watch a movie with him

haha of course i refused, i had loads of work to finish

it was a size m, i prefer jackets in size L

and it didn't have a hood

but it's the only gift i've received so far apart from eunice's jacket


what happened to the girl who used to have gifts on her desk before she even reached school?

who never had less than 2 celebrations?

admittedly many people wished me 'happy birthday'

but there were no gifts, no fussing over, no special meals

it feels like they were obliged to greet me


spent the day nerd-ing at university

i wouldn't have envisaged this new level of lameness in my wildest dreams

lunch was a free meal i exchanged by sitting through a dull-as-dust talk


i'm still in denial that my bloody birthday passed like that

my family completely forgot about it

mum picked a fight with me over my timetable in the morning

she didn't want me to go to university so much as it's so far away from home


admittedly i raided the fridge in search of even a silver of cake

but there was only a box of leftover rojak

and the only thing mum said to me in the 5 minutes i saw her at night was, 'remember to fetch fann to school tomorrow'

f*ck them all


those of my friends who'd called didn't help much

i had to put in an effort of sounding cheery when i just wanted to curl up and die

29 jul 08 [tue]

when ying, the only person who'd even mentioned the word 'cake', blew me off today..

i just cried and cried and cried for half an hour while i walked coco

a cake-less birthday, compared to previous years..

when did i become so pathetic?


i had to calm myself the same way i did during my last major breakup

telling myself to go to bed and everything will be different tomorrow

maybe this is all due to hormones

i may need a new supply of medicine to control these fluctuations in moods

even eunice is commenting on how fast i switch from deliriously happy to depressed and back again

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