Wednesday, 30 July 2008

birthday

28 jul 08 [mon]

i'm not exaggerating when i label this year's birthday as the worst of the worst in my 19 years of life

yesterday singcai drove us [bro, eunice, i] to korean village for fried sauce noodles

yums!

i haven't been eating properly these past few days

he gave me a s&k white jacket as a gift

actually he was using it to bribe me to watch a movie with him

haha of course i refused, i had loads of work to finish

it was a size m, i prefer jackets in size L

and it didn't have a hood

but it's the only gift i've received so far apart from eunice's jacket

~

what happened to the girl who used to have gifts on her desk before she even reached school?

who never had less than 2 celebrations?

admittedly many people wished me 'happy birthday'

but there were no gifts, no fussing over, no special meals

it feels like they were obliged to greet me

~

spent the day nerd-ing at university

i wouldn't have envisaged this new level of lameness in my wildest dreams

lunch was a free meal i exchanged by sitting through a dull-as-dust talk

~

i'm still in denial that my bloody birthday passed like that

my family completely forgot about it

mum picked a fight with me over my timetable in the morning

she didn't want me to go to university so much as it's so far away from home

~

admittedly i raided the fridge in search of even a silver of cake

but there was only a box of leftover rojak

and the only thing mum said to me in the 5 minutes i saw her at night was, 'remember to fetch fann to school tomorrow'

f*ck them all

~

those of my friends who'd called didn't help much

i had to put in an effort of sounding cheery when i just wanted to curl up and die

29 jul 08 [tue]

when ying, the only person who'd even mentioned the word 'cake', blew me off today..

i just cried and cried and cried for half an hour while i walked coco

a cake-less birthday, compared to previous years..

when did i become so pathetic?

~

i had to calm myself the same way i did during my last major breakup

telling myself to go to bed and everything will be different tomorrow

maybe this is all due to hormones

i may need a new supply of medicine to control these fluctuations in moods

even eunice is commenting on how fast i switch from deliriously happy to depressed and back again

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