Friday, 31 October 2008

american gods

i haven't stayed up to finish a book in a loong time, but american gods was awesome!

however, i'm the type of person who doesn't sleep well if i'm excited before bedtime, so it took a lot of self-restraint not to call anybody as i laid on my bed with ghostly images in my head

no nightmares =)


weather is freaking hot these days. i have to shower 3 times a day and switch on the air conditioner-- i don't even do that during the summer-summer months!


eunice will be going on holiday with grandma and uncle boon to cambodia soon. i want to take advantage of parents' odd guilt that i wasn't invited [for no other reason than because my surname is not tan] and ask them to let me go to japan.

is $5k inclusive of airfare, insurance, accomodation, food and whatnot expensive?

i swear, the tan family is super happening lately-- cambodia in november, hong kong in december

i wanna go hong kong badly, badly but not with my relatives [not that i was invited]. i can't seem to find anybody i'd like to go on holiday with.

dad has that mix of fierce pride and.. i don't know, a sort of sad love? that parents exhibit when their kids are excluded from something. parents kept asking me if i want to join them, dad even went, 'chin up, you're a lim! your dad will sponsor you!'

so of course i grabbed the moment to ask, 'since you're already planning to spend money on me, can i go to usa instead?'

the answer was the usual, 'noo you're too young, bla bla bla..'

what lah =.=''

Thursday, 30 October 2008

ouch

since flu is loads better, decided to start jogging again on tuesday

it felt fantastic, a bit like how i felt when i first learned how to ride a bike at 17

what's less fantastic is when my right calf cramped like hell in the middle of the night

i recall waking and stretching in semi-consciousness

it did not get better

i hate cramps as there's nothing i can do about it but suffer til it stops

and to think i had been consuming milk products religiously! [yeah yeah, rather have kidney stones instead of cramps]

it hurt all through the next day =(

-

damn

it's 9:05am and mum has given me 2 lectures on weight loss

the 1st one occurred when i was going to eat a banana during breakfast

she freaked out

and just now she was thinking about opening a bank account for fann

and that led to her considering opening a bank account for me as well [yeah, we have nil savings]

i didn't want a maybank account en-cas i go to aus next year

that got her thinking about how fattening aus food is

and she popped in lecture no.2

you have no idea how sien it is to listen to this shit all the time, at every meal at home

1 lecture / day is more than enough to depress me, thanks

she has split personality lah-- sometimes keep asking me to eat, sometimes getting worked up over.. a banana

major 'duh'

Tuesday, 28 October 2008

joe chen



she ate cat food hahahah

can't believe it, so hot some more!

sometimes saruon goes, 'coco's food smells nice, i want to eat!' but i never let her do so

and now joe chen is eating cat food!

what is the world becoming~

i couldn't finish my paper today =(

but saw j in specs for the first time-- the lazy twerp probably burned midnight oil last night

still cute =)

and at least my forever-flu is getting better

be grateful!!

Saturday, 25 October 2008

marshmallows temptation

The Marshmallow Experiments Go High Tech

So, do any of you remember the famous Mischel experiments from the 60's about pre-schoolers and impulse control?

This was the one where a 4 year old was put alone in a room with a marshmallow. The kid could either choose to eat the marshmallow, or could resist temptation and wait until an adult returned, in which case the reward was two marshmallows.

Some kids were able to wait up to 20 minutes for their reward; others caved and ate the marshmallow in front of them in less than a minute.(You probably know which kid you would have been).The fascinating thing was: they followed these kids, and the ones who could Master the Marshmallow? They were way more successful in other areas of life as they grew older. The longer a kid could hold out, the better his or her grades, SAT scores, social skills, etc. were.

Marshmallow Mastery skills are very important in life, apparently, and science is hard at work figuring out how to improve them.

Because now, according to a fascinating article in the Boston Globe, they're getting neuroscientists involved and using brain imaging techniques to examine these "kids"--now in their 40's. They can actually see particular areas of the brain light up when people hold out or give in to temptation, and they want to figure out how to train people to be disciplined, successful Two-Marshmallow Achievers instead of lame, impulsive, One-Marshmallow Losers.

original entry here

dale carnegie always said in his books that what we want to do asap is usually the wrong thing. so it's true. enlightening

Friday, 24 October 2008

early morning

today is the big day of parents' return from their silk road holiday in china.

usually i'd be in a mess-- counting money, drafting reports on where their money went, regretting the weight i put on when they were away. but today i'm doing surprisingly well.

i didn't spend much, stayed at home every night, didn't even eat out except for pasar malam trips. i've been a Good Girl =) happiness. plus i was in a fat phase even before they left so it doesn't matter what i look like now. hahah

-

this morning it was cold and rainy and generally wonderful sleeping weather but somebody had to wake up to get her brother's slow ass out the door to the office.

Wednesday, 22 October 2008

de-stress

des, chea sheng and i- why is it the only time i can take photos with cute guys is when i'm fat?

can't get over how tall dalill is!

ouchh sore all over now. shoulders are probably due to cleo november exercises that i tried but cheeks?! ate too much?! too much face-toning exercises? something wrong somewhere lah~

this is the first time i couldn't figure an accounting question out even with my textbook open and worse [or worst], even when i had the correct working spread out in front of me. finals in 6days. f*ck f*ck f*ck. i made a pact with god that i'll work my butt off this sem if he let me pass all my subjects last sem. so now i have nothing more to bargain anymore. argh i think i've been reading too much american gods.

i love marketing. not the elective i'm taking in uni now, but pasar pagi. or malam. i went this morning to buy ingredients for the last few meals i have to plan before parents return in 3days. i enjoy cooking so i always try new recipes whenever parents are away from home. family maid saruon is forever trying to get me to whip up one of the 'nice! delicious!' dishes for mum but i have a bit of anti-adult syndrome. whenever there are 'grown-ups' around i automatically clam up.

the last time i cooked for family was in form 3, aged 15, silly little girl scout participating in a cooking competition and needing loads of practice. i attempted a sweet soup [chinese dessert] at home and had the ill luck of mum bumping into me in the then tiny kitchen. she nearly killed me for not washing the ingredients and refused to touch the dessert. thank goodness for dad who consoled me, 'quite yummy lah'. my bad for not washing [when you're a scout who'd scooped food up from soil and shoved it into your mouth without getting stomachache your definition of 'clean' changes] but she didn't have to be so mean. we got 2nd place anyway =)

i had a craving for korean ja jang [fried sauce] noodles so i popped by korean village on the way back from delivering documents in ampang. normally i dislike dining alone but it felt almost comfortable in the korean restaurant.
i eat by myself most of the time in uni. used to duck and pray people don't see me lunching alone but now i don't avert my eyes. when people ask why i'm eating alone i'll just say, 'waiting for you to join me loh'. i'm not a fantastic conversationalist and am quite impatient so the uni style of travelling in a group and waiting for each other all the time doesn't suit me.
lots of korean men eat alone so i didn't feel weird but i hardly see korean women dining by herself. a korean man paused by my table on his way out and spoke to me in korean and the proprietor joined in as well. i felt helpless not understanding their language =( just smiled and told them i'm not korean. i've been having this craving to take up a new language lately. don't you think being multilingual is fantastic? you get to understand everybody and i totally believe that thinking is affected by the language one thinks in. thanks to my lack of mastery of korean, i had a bowl of spicy seafood noodles instead of ja jang noodles.

cooked fried gochujang [hot pepper sauce] for fann's dinner of bibimpap [mixed rice]-- just checked, and fann finished his dinner, which is a good sign. to finish off the packet of gochujang i bought, fann, saruon and i have been eating korean for 3meals in a fortnight.

on sunday fann, his friends and i went to kang san ea restaurant as fann wanted to have ja jang rice but i'd thought he meant bibimpap so he wasn't too happy with what i ordered for him. his friends were as abnormal as my scout buddies who are comfortable with parading in front of me in their underwear- 'just imagine i'm wearing trunks'- duh. guys just don't enjoy sour food the way girls do. shiro [don't like!] makan with people who aren't enjoying themselves. it didn't help that i was the slowest eater among them all. why am i always the only girl with a group of nutty guys?!!

my dinner tonight was 'banana cream pie'. it's the first recipe i tried from french women don't get fat and it's delicious. the book is one of my fave too.

walau eh entire entry about food. tomorrow morning will cook onion-apple soup if there's time. heard it's useful for protection against radiation from computers.

love jay's snake dance. jay jay jay! summertime is awesome too. very breezy and relaxing.
'banana cream pie'
ingredients-
1. half cup natural yogurt
2. half banana- sliced
3. 1 tsp wheat germ
4. 1/2 tsp honey
1. mix yogurt, banana and wheat germ
2. drizzle honey on top
damn chun!~

Sunday, 19 October 2008

sick

woke early feeling like a piece of shit this morning

sore throat, blocked nose, the works

i haven't been ill in such a long time that i was mostly shocked to feel so crap

is it due to the poison i'd been consuming for the past week as main meals?-- butter cookies, kit kat, cream crackers, ice cream..

or is it due to the alcohol and cigarette on thursday?


maison sucks now, and i used to love it so much

it used to be so classy to me

one important characteristic that i look for in clubs is that they have to be dim, sans laser lights

maison is so bright now we can all see each other clearly, and the purpose of clubbing is to mask oneself in the darkness, which always makes everybody look hotter

what's the point of going somewhere so well-lit you can't do anything embarassing for fear of damaging your rep?


smoked my first whole cigarette. well, almost- yang took the first and last puff

i'd never finished one by myself before. i took a drag of menthol last year and was so sickened harry had to finish it for me

the normal varieties are a convenient distraction when one is bored senseless in clubs though


thursday was so dull as there were not enough girls

the only other girl in our group was pissed by the time i arrived

she's stick thin and should be quite pretty- large eyes and all- but she freaked me out by trying to kiss me. actually she was trying to kiss everybody

since she's drunk, there were no other girls to play with me


so i drank more than i usually would- normally i don't drink at all

but there wasn't much liquor left as we were late

for the first time i drank enough to get a warm fuzzy feeling in my tummy


i hate newspapers

i hate all the bad news inside

if i let myself think about all the shit happening around me i'd probably get suicidal

Tuesday, 14 October 2008

comfort eating

i fucked up my newest healthy eating again

today ys saw me again for the first time in months, and he asked at the first chance, 'did you get fatter?'

i wasn't happy but i'd promised myself apple pie, ice cream and waffles once my dratted period is over

so i cancelled sushi with stella and had my treat

the waffle was awful.. where can one find edible waffles nowadays?

waffle world's waffles are not sweet enough, a&w's waffles are too salty and soft, easy way's have an odd burnt odor

i had a quarter mc apple pie and a quarter banana pie with ice cream

the new oreo berries mcflurry is sweet enough to give me a sugar rush-- i found myself smiling for no reason

mm.. just remembered.. oreo seems to contain melamine

whatever my home is stocked with discounted milk products now-- cheese, milk, yoghurt, ice cream, chocolate, butter cookies etc.

mum can never resist 'discounts'

i'd planned to jog when i reached home, but the nanosecond i pulled into the driveway, raindrops started falling on my car

wtf

pleased with my non food purchases of yellow sharpie highlighter and brow razors though

tried shaving my brows just now but i feel they're uneven now

haha

Monday, 13 October 2008

ordinary day

hahah!

my korean fried rice cakes went well yesterday =)

even picky eater fann had a mini fit when he realized there was none for him--

most guys dislike korean cuisine so i didn't think he would enjoy it

actually he wasn't a fan of the rice cakes but he liked everything else, namely the sauce, cabbage and fish cakes

so today i re-cooked the dish sans rice cakes, replacing them with cabbage and fish cakes

saruon and i used half the dish to fry our rice with

not bad

-

one thing i can't stand is ugliness

that's why i always feel like vomitting in dad's office

i sound like an ungrateful brat, but whenever i see one of those deformed patients i can't continue eating my lunch

whenever i get fat i can't stand myself either

i love rain, but not at 6pm, which is my jogging or biking time

i hate lightning and thunder though-- they freak me out

-

reading american gods-- a book fit to give me nightmares

wearing o2 contact lenses-- it's harder than my usual soflens and GOT STUCK IN MY EYE!

omg lightning

watching prince turns into frog-- the record breaking taiwanese drama, surpassed only by fated to love you

chen qiao en starred in both, she's so lucky, i like her

feeling peckish.. for waffles

missing the cute dress i saw in f block last friday

Sunday, 12 October 2008

mum

yesterday mum, saruon and i went grocery shopping at jusco maluri
prior to that we lunched at kim gary
i dislike kim gary but the food was actually ok
not bad enough to make me retch, though the cream soup came close
mum was talking about how fantastic the stars' willpower were
they hardly eat in this world full of temptations
for the second time in my life mum entered her has-her-daughter-put-on-weight? mode
when she's confused i'm allowed to eat as much as i want to in front of her
not that she starves me
it's probably the opposite
she's always asking me to go out for meals or gatherings with friends
when i say i don't feel like it, she and dad thinks something is wrong
which is kinda true
i lose my appetite when i'm upset
but usually i'm just a happy, happy girl
this year i've been more prone to unhappiness for no apparent reason compared to previous years
so my weight has been fluctuating
-
i had a nice day with her yesterday
we didn't argue
she's in a sunny mood-- she's driving a new black camry and bought a new lv bag last night
plus today she's going on a holiday
hope she and dad will enjoy themselves thoroughly
have a safe journey
-
i'm also in a cheerful mood
finally went to faraway mines to get my new armani specs
fann was so jealous when he heard of the price
-
will attempt to cook korean fried rice cakes later
i need luck

Friday, 10 October 2008

wendy's / f block

i should be at international youth center giddy with excitement while peeking at the participants who will be tortured by raleigh over the weekend

but i'm sitting at home, wishing i could go to pasar malam to buy a long necklace and maybe some junk food

thanks to my super irregular period

the thought of suffering the first few days of menses in a wet forest far away from civilization just daunts me

-

drove to find eunice, actually, i was more interested in my principles of macroeconomics study guide which was in her possession after my tutorial this morning

it was fantastic to see her again though

we lunched at wendy's

i'd never heard anything bad about wendy's and it's always full but i was sorely disappointed with my grilled chicken burger today

it was like eating a salt chunk

when i took my first bite the words 'chicken of the sea' popped into my mind

the chicken was about as salty as the south china sea [redang]

the free chicken nuggets were satisfactory though, as were the fries

eunice had something like double cheeseburger

now that was yummy

the vanilla oreo frosty was too sweet for my liking

what i crave right now is apple pie with ice-cream

-

after lunch we went to f block

saw a lovely dress but i'd promised myself not to buy any article of clothing above $35

clothes are ridiculously costly nowadays

-

i told eunice a funny story about mum

she'd applied for a popular card last night

but didn't get to use it [it offers a 10% discount] as the shop didn't stock what she wanted

she was unhappy about being unable to put the card to use

so she hung out at the cashier

this man came to pay, and mum asked, 'would you like to use my card? you can get a 10% discount'

the man was flabbergasted but agreed

hahah mum is so crazy sometimes

Monday, 6 October 2008

angela's ashes

after 1 month, i finally finished angela's ashes

it's one of the better books i'd read in a loong looong time

in fact, it's probably the only book i'd read in awhile

like fated to love you, it brought tears to my eyes

i'm turning into a big crybaby

-

last saturday i attended facilitator training to prepare for the raleigh introduction weekend this friday

nisha [another nisha in charge of training, not my monash friend] said i was too soft

i have to get used to speaking loudly, standing with feet planted wide, hands behind me

i also have to buy dailies [contact lenses]

it's been a month since my specs broke and all this peering at things sans glasses are taking its toll on my eyes and back

i'm seeing blurry doubles everywhere and my shoulders and back are sore from constantly hunching over books and computers

-

anyway before training began last saturday i had breakfast at old town

it was one of the most enjoyable experiences of my life, to curl up on a sofa with angela's ashes

a ham-and-cheese polo bun and hot mocha white coffee in front of me

i like caffeine once in a while

overdid it last thursday when out with the so-called 7 brothers of scouts though

my heart was pumping super fast though i'm only sitting in front of computer watching fated to love you

thanks to the ice blended coffee i had

had an a&w ice-cream waffle on thursday night before watching connected

all that cold food is making my stomach cramp

the waffle was too salty but the movie was awesome

big s was gorgeous and the film was exciting with some hilarious parts

liu ye rocked in it! he's a fantastic actor and fann couldn't even tell that this was the same dude who played the crown prince in curse of the chrysanthemum throne

i like

yam cha-ed at rendezvous after the movie

the vanilla twister is way sweet

shiro!

-

i've been going out almost daily during my sem break

friday before raya-- a boring dinner + dance at monash

me + ex partner kevin who knew how to dance

wednesday- connought pasar malam with cute guys

guo wei, keat + i at connought mcdonald's

mun keat, ke, me + chea sheng

me + ke

we took more photos but they're with god-knows-who

i want my photos!

most of my high school friends have put on weight like i did

saturday-- ke's farewell bbq

at ke's holiday home

as the photos show, i'm getting progessively fatter

but nothing beats my brother's news

-he was the last in a 6-car pile-up

all i can say is, what goes around comes around

he was always laughing at my driving skill but now he holds the most stellar record amongst us

benz is a tough car but he managed to mutilate it

poor parents

poor me, now i have to continue waking at 5:30am to send him to school

even if the bloody camry comes

Wednesday, 1 October 2008

lameee

1 day in cafe, a Boy came up to a Girl he likes, and went, 'help me buy a drink'

girl, 'why would i want to do that? i'm talking with my friend.'

boy, 'stop talking to her, and buy me a drink.'

me-- is this courtship ritual the new 'in' thing? maybe i've been out of the market for too long

~

my project this sem break is watching fated to love you, which took taiwan by storm

sadly, it is tacky, recycled nonsense, though they have some funny nonsense

case in point--

mother and daughter chatting on the night of daughter's wedding

mother, 'if ever your husband bullies you, or if ever anybody bullies you, call home asap! even if it is the middle of the night and there are no boats leaving for the mainland, i'll run to the beach and ride a dolphin to save you!'

haha i loved this part and rewatched it many times

it's what mum said to me many times before

i'm loving mum today as she bought me a brown paper bag-ful of egg cakes or kuih bahulu

i'm so easily pleased i feel like a sucker

~

oo my emo coco just came in

she's damn emo lately, keep trotting upstairs to lie at our feet

i suspect she's pregnant

~

anyway may be going out with hot guys again later

we have nothing in common and nothing to talk about

but we're good at spewing crap and i love them because they're all hot and it's so rare to have many cute guys in the same place at the same time