Wednesday, 26 November 2008



yesterday a cute china boy dropped by to buy a wheelchair. i served him [kit was on break] but when i attempted to push the wc to the left it veered to the right instead.

i was wearing a short-sleeved shirt and was worried my arms were wobbling but the idiot wc refused to cooperate. cute china boy came to help after 2 futile shoves on my side, exclaiming in very cute chinese, '你 想 往 哪 跑 ?' to the disobedient wc.

i don't think i'd ever seen anybody speak to an object before [outside tv lah] so special! like like =)

aiyo i'm a sucker for guys who speak foreign languages, esp when they have small single-lidded eyes.

have to banish the flab from my arms! i've come to accept that my confidence is tied to my weight so now i've given up trying to love myself at 5xkg and instead work on reducing my weight.


however, i pigged out on pizza last night! i had a domino's voucher that was gonna expire soon so i had to use it. the pizza wasn't particularly yummy but i still had 2 large slices and 2 regular slices. the online order system is incredibly inefficient, stay away!

i regretted the pizzas as soon as i finished them and started flipping through vivi. i wanted so badly to barf out the food but i have the xx-phobia [forgot the word, it's a fear of vomitting] so i just pouted.


fann made me do this with him this morning, so my back and arms hurt now. he's like a crazy instructor once he gets in the mood.

may watch madagascar 2 with friends tonight. want to eat milo mcflurry but worried about period cramps =(

lately i'm being bitchy to an extent that disgusts even fann. be nice, be nice. go eat chocolate

Tuesday, 25 November 2008



1. been putting on weight consistently for a few months. i knew something was VERY wrong when i couldn't fit in anything at gion [a boutique in bp]. i look like shit. even fang teased me when he saw me last saturday. bought beauty theraphy books with eunice at pasar malam last friday. hope it will motivate me to start eating cleaner. i'm constipated all the time and it sucks!

2. bought a new pair of peep-toe slingback flats yesterday. very pretty but hurts my feet like hell. now i have to keep a roll of 3m micropore tape in my bag. i wrap the last 3 toes before i wear the flats. tuhan, please don't let my toes blister!


1. not on fantastic terms with parents.

2. eunice keeps saying i'm showing symptoms of depression. it's hilarious. all because i'm semi-obsessed with washing my hands and mouth and face and body. i just like feeling clean.

3. nail polish causes cancer?! T.T

4. finals results out in a couple of days. tuhan, please let me pass all subjects with a credit average.


1. booked flight tickets to hk [despite dad's displeasure]. will be going with tao and xian. tuhan ah, please let us all get along. everytime before a trip i fret that everybody won't get along.

2. parents are on a cruise, somewhere far away from home. freedom! went shopping with eunice last sunday. spent all my pocket money this month. bought a dress [i adore dresses!], a tube, a long necklace, acid yellow nail polish, a magazine and [YAAY!~] gladiator sandals. i'd been pining for a pair ever since i saw suat yee in them and ever since she told me EVERYBODY in singapore is wearing them. at odd times like these, my kiasu-ness surfaces.

however, the gladiators SUCK! rosak after 1day! some more it costs $50 [very costly for me!] i had to take them back to the shop to be repaired. DO NOT BUY SHOES FROM SHOEZ OBSESSION.

3. on saturday i 'nurtured my artsy side' and watched the plays Neverland and Cheras Cheras at Annexe. all because my ex dance mentor xuan san was performing. i didn't get Neverland at all. i hate unhappiness-- newspapers depress me. but i loved Cheras Cheras, though i couldn't grasp the 'deep' part as well. maybe i'm just stupid.

4. will be balik kampung ing again this weekend. HAHAH the less i see my parents, the less i fight with them

5. famous amos rocky road and pecan soft cookieeee.. mm~

Thursday, 13 November 2008


nursing a headache =(

downloaded lucky [not the britney one, the jason mraz and colbie duet] and can i have this dance yesterday
both are very sweet and beautiful songs which made my hair stand.. which is kinda gross as my hair is longer than normal people's, thanks to an experiment involving a razor when i was 13
go watch the disney lucky video on youtube. don't know how to embed it here, but it's awesome [maybe because i love disney princess cartoons]
wanted to eat madagascar 2 burger and mcflurry at mc just now, but both outlets i went to were packed
everybody else wants to eat madagascar food or do they want the head gear?
had to settle for some salsa beefburger and root beer with ice-cream at a&w
still yummy though i stopped consuming the root beer when the ice-cream had melted
the only spoiler was mum who was irked that i left office for lunch
the food in the canteen inedible
i just told her i needed to pee and hung up
if we continue we'll start fighting
i can be a cranky bitch when i'm hungry
watched tropic thunder with fann last night
watching movies are fast becoming our only bonding activity
i hardly see him if i don't fetch him from work
we don't eat together though we're always talking about ordering pizza
talking about stuff is a sure-fire way to ensure nothing gets done
tropic thunder is damn.. well, it rendered me speechless
cannot believe it was robert downey jr in there
and tom cruise-- omfg!!
i never heard him say so many f-words in 1 go in any of his movies, ever
a couple of times i wanted to throw up, but i hadn't eaten any dinner [thank my lucky stars]
there was 1 funny part though
matthew mac-bla-bla is quite cute as well
he's hot, his girlfriend's hot, and they have a hot baby [i'm sure it's hot, anyway]
i wanna watch disney princess cartoons!

Wednesday, 12 November 2008

the game

finished reading the game, will start picasso today, but it doesn't appeal as much as the game did

i believe everybody has an agenda, which is why i can't help asking, 'what's your point in calling?' whenever people [esp those that haven't been in touch in awhile] calls me
they are usually shocked at my bluntness but i can't help myself
usually i make up excuses not to meet up with people who are trying to get me into direct sales !#$% but i'd been reading 35 x 33 and it says helping other people is always good
so off i went to old town last night after an argument with mum over a trivial matter-- she kept claiming i didn't switch off my fan when i could swear i did
my room is bloody haunted
i think i have mini add
sometimes when fann talks to me i find my eyes rolling around all over the place and my mind drifting even when i'm trying to concentrate on whatever he's saying
i take hanging out with brother very seriously
i can read through the papers and not remember any of the news, esp the unpleasant ones
and last night when geat was going on about his company i had to work very hard to keep my eyes off these 3 guys at the next table smoking happily
lately i've been asking myself what i want all the time and sometimes the word 'cigarette' just pops up
to restrain myself, i decided to only smoke if a ciggie was offered to me
no wasting money on my own ciggies
i need to save up to overhaul my wardrobe
after watching high school musical 3 my love of dresses had doubled and i want to wear them all the time
back to my add, i had to make an effort to maintain eye contact with geat during our conversation
it's the only time we're meeting each other in a non-club environment
when i told lin i was studying accounting at monash, she'd exclaimed, 'wow! i thought you hated accounting!'
'yeah,' wry smile. 'that's why i can't sleep at night.'
i have bloody fucking insomnia and inertia now
the only time i felt alive was when i was cycling in the rain yesterday
if i stopped working out i just might be low enough on endorphins to commit suicide
my car was hit again-- the front and back has been revamped
this time it's the entire left side
it's not serious but it's freakin' ugly and i filed a report against the aunty who hit me
now the only original section of my car is the right side
the perodua uncle thought it was hilarious that i'm so accident-prone
i mean, the perodua guys were going, 'hey, what are you doing here again?'
and uncle will gleefully explain that i was involved in yet another accident
i'd bet i'm his favorite customer now
*groan wtf is wrong with me?!
got pissed at mum yesterday when she refused to let me book tickets to hk
she wanted to see a draft of my travel plans first
it makes perfect sense except that it's my parents we're talking about
i did a complete draft after extensive research last year, only to have her say i can't go after all
i was so upset i tore the draft into shreds-- very stupid of me, i know
now i refuse to do a shit-draft again!
i can be ridiculously stubborn sometimes
neil strauss says, 'later means never'-- it's too true!
it's what my parents always says to appease me
grr i say the 1st step to making a holiday come true is to book the flight tickets
not drafting the plan
i keep worrying that yang will cancel on our singapore trip that i'm thinking of taking up a part time job as a kindergarten teacher
but of course parents object
fuck them lah! they're getting on my already-frayed nerves
holidays are just wispy fantasies for me
i hate being disappointed
if you don't mean to deliver, don't give false hopes
i really need a ciggie now! grr~

Tuesday, 4 November 2008

why is it so freakin' difficult to find travel mates?!

arghh! i really, truly, wurly [i made that up] wana go abroad to 吹 吹 风 [darn i love that song, as well as 不 药 而 愈 ]

and xian, being a true-blue bestie [心 电 感 应 , anyone?] contacted me lately and suggested we take advantage of the recent dip in won and backpack in korea next january. of course, neither of us speak korean but i never believed language is a problem-- i survived thai all those years ago =)

the weather is, though. korea is freakin', freakin' below freezing and i'm the sucker whose gums start bleeding the milisecond i step into genting's snoworld. somehow i doubt that snoworld would be colder than a korean january.

when parents heard they went, 'none of our clothes would be warm enough for that weather.'

so i proposed buying one there. they freaked out again. it sucks. they freak out over anything i wanted to do that wasn't going to uni / usual boring shit with my friends. but it's better than freaking out over a banana.

timing!! admittedly i don't think i can tolerate the coldness either. i always suffer most during winter holidays. my sibs would be happily enjoying the 'air-conditioner' while i stole a layer of dad's jacket.

but i don't feel like giving up this chance at adventure. oh i love this word! adventure. memang ber-possibilities! i've been scouring for a travel partner to hk since forever and couldn't even come up with one lousy option, so i understand how ridiculously tough it is to find a travel partner, so i wana treasure this opportunity.


wtf wtf wtf i'm so upset. stupid yang made me so happy yesterday when he said he wanted to go hk. then of course came the have-to-consider crap. so many people have gave me false happiness lately, i wana chop them up!! grr!!

spoke to yung, too. finally, i'm talking to a normal person. i mean, yang and fish and fong and even yee sometimes are nuts. harry is ignoring me!! yung backpacked in taiwan the winter i attended a camp there, and he advised me to give up hope of finding a female partner. he hadn't heard of a female backpacker within our circles before. i loved yung so much when i realized he was going through the same shit as me-- it was !#$%^&* difficult to find somebody who was serious about going on a trip with you. there are lots of people like yang around =(

singcai wanted to go but kept complaining about air tickets. so i don't wana go with him.

everybody was either working / poor / pre-booked to other awesome holidays. ever since parents decided i was probably going to spend a huge chunk of their savings studying in aus, i'd been reduced to a semi-being. i haven't been out of the country since forever. it's like living in pause, waiting for life to start. they waved away my suggestions of applying for an internship / part time job / backpacking abroad.

arghh!! aaergha!! getting emo. i have to go back on my happy pills. wah sound like a lunatic.

where did my energy go? i used to rock at arguing with parents. the thing i hate most about arguing with parents is that i have to pretend i'm loving my choice even when i regret it. if i went to korea and all my teeth fell out from the cold, they'll be so smugly i-told-you-so i'll feel compelled to pretend i lost all my teeth on purpose so i can eat rusks 24/7

i really feel like fighting with somebody over something i really want, but i don't want anything, and the thought of any aggressiveness just makes me wana curl up in bed and hide. i'm a wimp lah. when did i become a wimp? i used to be hyper, running around class with bm cikgu chasing me with a cane. hahah i was fat that time but she was even fatter and trying to run in a baju kurung wasn't easy. darn felt so alive that time xp

please please please let me find a travel partner to hk!!

i know i don't deserve it as i'm a mean bitch who's also a racist, sexist and all the other '-ist's in the world but please please please let me find somebody i can get along with so i can at least have a worthy holiday to show off to the tan family / friends / other people who don't really care.

i feel like shadow. i feel so dry, like laura. aiyo i really have to act normal a bit. it's not like i'm dead. cheer up perk up smile =) fuckshit this is what happens when people have too much time on their hands