Monday, 28 December 2009

as happening as my 'rents


y housemate pablo asked me if i was interested in grabbing lunch at glen.

had mixed vegetables & tofu hot pot at a korean restaurant. hate telling people i'm vegetarian-- and all the whys? um.. how long have you been a vegetarian? less than a month, just trying it out.. do you eat eggs and milk? i'm trying to avoid them, but they're in everything! especially my faves-- baked goods, chocolate, ice cream..

igh* after lunch pablo suggested driving to a nearby suburb for coffee. i said ok as i'd never been to that suburb before.

''nearby'' turned out to be a half hour drive to mornington! mornington! omo.. speechless. the beach was packed, today being a public holiday and a sunny, almost warm day.

we sang songs in his car. he's trying to introduce me to dance, house, jazz, lounge and pop [ie. annie lennox] and other stuff i hardly touch. the only musical serendipity i had this year was bruce springsteen's magic which i randomly picked off the shelf at narre libby. hated yeah yeah yeah's it's blitz! despite their rave reviews.

we parked at the pier and lined forever for ice-cream. then we walked around the pier. aussies are really into fishing! and i was the only freak bundled up in a thick jacket and full-length leggings. i get cold faster than others, which is why i adore hot weather. when the heat wave hit last wednesday, it initially felt as though somebody had placed a thick, warm, comfy blanket on me-- it took a few hours for the heat to start annoying me.

despite my best efforts, i fell into a deep sleep on the hour long drive back home, where pablo dropped me off at sena so i could fix my hair. have an interview with corialiss tomorrow. i don't think i'll get the job at the hair straightening / curling kiosk if i show up with my usual wild tangled hair.

on a whim i dyed it golden blonde as well and the hairdresser, who is my boss' friend, taught me how to straighten my hair using a straightening iron. hope corialiss will consider keeping me despite my impending return to msia

Sunday, 20 December 2009

honey joys

90g butter or margarine
1/3 cup sugar
1 tbsp honey
4 cups cornflakes

1. melt butter, sugar and honey together until frothy.
2. add cornflakes and mix well.
3. spoon into cup cake cases.
4. bake in slow oven, 150c for 10 minutes.

servings: approx. 24


found this stray recipe whilst unpacking my endless boxes. didn't wanna keep it so decided to save it on laptop.

finally finished unpacking, cleaning, vacuuming, spraying, wiping, arranging and rearranging all my stuff. well, almost. there's no space in my room for my old books and not enough clothes-hangers for my surprisingly complete collection of dresses and jackets, so some are still in boxes on the hallway.

now my new home feels like home, except for all the grime and dirt in public areas.

Friday, 11 December 2009

eternal sunshine of the skinny bitch

when i heard lee proclaim this as the best love story / movie he'd ever heard / seen, i was intrigued. he has eclectic tastes and i'm currently in a download frenzy to pack my laptop and hard disk with free movies and music before i leave hostel [and all the free media that comes with paying exxy rent].

i finished it last night, with a finger on my phone and an eye off the screen-- the bits where faces became feature-less blobs of flesh were disturbing. [phone was scrolled to sue's number so i can call her stat if things get too scary].

i didn't really get parts of the movie-- the twists don't make sense. how can clem suddenly deviate from the memories and start apologizing for erasing joel from her memory? why can joel see himself in the doc's office?

it's kinda beautiful when mary fell for the [damn] doc.. again. it's like fate-- we can't stop fate. but it's kinda sad things had to end the same way. it nearly killed me when joel told clem, 'i don't see anything i don't like about you!' when they fell in love for the second time around.

hah! don't we all, when we first fall in love? then we'll get bored with each other, bitch about each other. they shouldn't have tried again in the end, but the audience would have hated that.


read harry potter and the philosopher's stone as my bedtime story. bad choice. eternal + harry potter = too hyped up to sleep.

i gave up tossing and turning after a while and started on skinny bitch. walau-eh. now the list of food i can eat without giving myself cancer is getting increasingly limited. most of the info in skinny had already been drilled into me by parents but for the milk part.

spooky, what we're shoveling into our mouths happily daily.

Tuesday, 8 December 2009

my new home

just paid the $200 deposit for my new pad for next year. it's a furnished room in Clayton, about 10 minutes' walk to Clayton campus. there's a korean girl, a singaporean girl and a chinese couple in the house.

hope all goes well. the house is a bit old and the furniture from another era, but i found it charming. a lot of my peers dislike old houses but i actually love them, as long as everything is in running order.


watched dirty dancing yesterday. loved it! peace corps era? wow. i haven't been clubbing much this year, living like a nun in the suburbs with the cows, but i can't imagine ever dancing like that. i should go dancing more next year, when i'm living closer to the city. all these living in roomy clothes is making me frumpy!

Monday, 7 December 2009

red squares

i'm addicted to coffee. shameful, but it's true. i feel half-awake all the time.

inspected a house in Clayton yesterday. was supposed to check out 2 houses, but the little b*tch of the first house refused to come out to get me when i lost my way. all she did was make me cross 2 big-a** 4-lane highways, then back again.. seriously, what's her problem? i hope she never finds a housemate. nope, i shall pray fervently that she gets somebody with b.o., athlete's feet, greasy hair.. the works, kinda like the messy woman who borrowed my phone at macker's.

when i heard somebody asking to borrow a phone at another table at the outdoor area at macker's, i'd immediately stiffened and hid my phone under my coat. though i knew perfectly well i would lend the person my phone if she asked-- i'd had my fair share of experience borrowing phones off strangers in my high school years and i felt sorry for her. yet i didn't want to pity her, that's what harry did, and a stranger ran off with his phone.

in the end she did end up asking me, and i made her sit opposite me and glared at her while she made the few-nanoseconds call, kinda willing her not to take off with my phone with my super-gaze. it worked :)

Saturday, 5 December 2009


dad forwarded me an email of life advice from a father to his child. the advice is bitingly honest. an example-- don't mind people who aren't nice to you..

''.. so appreciate the people who are good to you, but also be careful, as people always always respond to incentives.''

so true. everybody who has ever talked to me, 99.99% has wanted something tangible from me. especially people who call out of the blue, sometimes i spare them the crappy attempt at small talk and snap, ''what do you want?''

nobody is irreplaceable, no things are needed. love is but a fleeting feeling. do not expect people to treat you the way you treat them.

dad asked me my opinion, and i have none. for my only take on this is that i believe these statements are true, but i somehow believe that we will still be happy despite them. it's blind faith, built on the shaky foundations of my parents' protection. perhaps there shall come a day when i'm on the streets, starving and freezing, alone and mud-caked, flies buzzing above my tangled ropes of unwashed hair.. maybe then i won't feel so optimistic. but for now i have blind faith :)

Thursday, 3 December 2009


taking a short breather from packing. now i know where all my money went! i have so much cooking paraphernalia i could probably run a restaurant now.

i hate moving and packing but there's no other option so i may as well suck it up and get down and dirty. it's easier now that i harbor a secret (well, now not-so-secret) desire to live out of one single suitcase like a nomad. instead of listing my special-occasion glitter lotion as mandatory in my bag, i can bear to part with it for almost a month.

hope i won't be expected to doll up to bring eunice's family around melb. i'd packed all my clothes, only keeping my work clothes and workout gear with me. and an lbd for eugene's convo :)

having my own toilet is the bomb.

Tuesday, 1 December 2009

countdown to full blown panic attack

weighed self this morning. very heavy. heaviest point in bloody life, in fact.

add that to the fact that eugene's family is visiting in a fortnight. eunice had always found my obsession with food (or concentrating on not eating them) a bit crazy. har har, this is what happens when you're happy enough to quit counting calories. my fatness will stun them.

plus, kena pecat by one of my bosses this morning. *sigh* at least i saw that coming. everybody had been edgy for the past few months due to the reduced customer flow. being the least inexperienced, quietest and most possible to take off during exams has disadvantages :( well, on the bright side, i won't be scalding my fingers for meager pay.


spent yesterday having a blast at home, watching movies and reading. a bit duh, actually. i should be out playing, but hearing the wind is enough to keep me indoors.

i'd finished reading how to be good, ending was a bit blah for me. probably need to be older and wiser to appreciate it more. finished midnight sun as well. now reading the bell jar.

watched into the wild yesterday. just wanted to see kristen stewart and she didn't disappoint-- all long skinny limbs and prettiness. couldn't relate to chris at all. i love money and prestige. plus he shouldn't have burnt his cash, should have donated it to charity or something. but really admired the way he survived. well, until he died, of course.

tempted to lace up my nikes and just go, go, go like chris. but knew it wasn't feasible for me. i'd die without sunscreen. plus i can't sleep in the cold. times have changed since chris became supertramp-- i might well be kidnapped or worse. still, this bud of an idea shall be filed away in a mental drawer until the day comes when i feel crazy enough to try it.

Thursday, 26 November 2009

lazy day

am attempting to motivate self to get off arse and go to chaddy to drop off some more resumes.

have been going out daily since exams ended on the 13th and am now a bit tired. sue and i both fell into a deep sleep on the train home last night. we must have been exhausted to nod off on public transport like that. even listening to you make my dreams and sugar town, my 2 new fave songs, couldn't wake me.

started reading an entire issue of time recently. i'd always shied away from time, only flipping through and picking out articles that interest me, as i found all the politics-related coverage intimidating. but now i realize the key to enjoying time is to read it backwards, where the easier-to-comprehend bits are. (attempted to start from the front, with an interview with president obama, but was left scratching my head. he doesn't appear to be actually answering any questions. maybe all politicians do that).

Friday, 20 November 2009

new moon

finally watched new moon last night. sort of anti-climatic. but then i didn't really love twilight either. but jacob was lovely. *sigh* in my mind all the wolves had jacob-esque bods but the movie kinda ruined that part for me. all the wolves were cute, though.

jacob jacob jacob jacob jacob jacob jacob jacob jacob jacob jacob jacob jacob jacob jacob jacob jacob

it's so hot nowadays. am cooking in the heat. must buy cooler today.

it wasn't hot when we went to the beach-- it was effing cold. now i'm stuck in my stuffy apartment and it's cooking here, though i'm only wearing tiny knickers as i type this. life can be a bitch.

can i buy contact lenses online?

Thursday, 19 November 2009

are you looking down on me??!

omo last night was a bad, bad night.

s, hd, may, ck, eu jin and i decided to have a booze party. i picked out a bottle of soho lychee liquor and s got an absolut peach. those people ar, never heard of soho before, kept thinking i was demented and had confused solo (fizzy lemon soft drink) with alcohol. duh! do they think i'm stupid or what?!

i'd never been drunk before, maybe tipsy, though mostly i feed off other people's excitement and get high for no apparent reason. but gosh, last night was crap. i didn't know i had an annoying little girl's voice in me >.<

while doing shots, i spat out the vile vodka so i was exempted from consuming it and had soho instead. yum! but though i was consuming half the amount of alcohol as the others, i flushed first and my heart was beating so fast i thought i was phasing into a werewolf (i think i voiced this thought aloud because s kept telling me i was a vamp, not a werewolf).

in hindsight it's pretty funny. shall recall last night and laugh to self so as not to sink into depression from living in an empty apartment (s moved out today). *smile

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

where i become an annoying whiner..

.. and could do with 'one tight slap', as s always likes to say.

terribly homesick last night. even the extra cash boss paid me failed to lift my spirits. mum called while i was sitting outside the restaurant waiting for boss to arrive and unlock the door. don't know why i felt like crying when i heard her voice go, ''min min ah?''

sometimes mum is so outrageous, it's a wonder how we kids turned out so mild-mannered. she kept calling me during my shift and i ended up discussing my return flight plans with her on my cell while keeping an eye on the customers.

now it's all sorted, i'll only be returning for a month. and i have to kiss my bosses' arses so i'll have something to do in the fortnight here before uni begins (in between hitting on surfers-- spunky or otherwise-- on the beach). in fact, seriously contemplating hitting the beach tomorrow.

anyway was miserable so went to hd's room for a bit of a moan. he had an exam today but still patted my head at all the right times.

and audrey and jan came over to bake choc chip cookies afterwards so i became too exhausted to be homesick.

ps. sue and i saw an old surfer at quiksilver in the city, old but spunky! wow-ee!

Tuesday, 10 November 2009


last night was good =)

it was effing hot, so unbearably hot that i begged for car rides to coles to pick up a cooler.

forced tj and sonak to accompany me.

coles eden rise didn't stock coolers, and daniel said they don't help much anyway, so we gave up and returned home.

on the 5 minute car trip home, it was somehow decided that we would go to glen for supper. so we returned to res to drop off our yogurt and ice-cream. as i was forcing our ice-cream into sue's freezer, which was already packed to the max with ice-cream ('it was on promo!'), hd expressed interest in joining.

so off we went




arms and legs everywhere in the car

'the colossal' from pancake parlour

after supper at glen, we drove home. and on the way home, we saw a sign to mornington peninsula, where the beaches are.

'do you guys wanna go to the beach?' daniel asked. (i swear, this dude is so.. indescribable).

'yeah!' hd. ironically, he was the most tense when we first went out, guilt-ridden by the thoughts of textbooks yet to be memorized.

the next thing i knew, we were driving on pitch black lanes (scary) and swerving to miss rabbits.

we reached the beach at 1am, and i was surprised at how many seagulls there were. they looked like they were swimming in the sky.. moving in slow-mo. i can't describe it, guess it's one of those things you have to see for yourself.

the pier

s, dan & tj

after walking around and trying to stay low so as to avoid being bashed up by tipsy angs we drove back.. to a hill in berwick to check out the view. all the glittering lights reminded me of home. why do lights glitter? i'm fairly certain the lights are switched on consistently but from afar they always glitter.

'twas a spontaneous night. very random, very me. as hd puts it, 'now i know how you felt when you suddenly packed and flew to perth.' yeah, man-- fabulous.

Monday, 9 November 2009

how to be good

is this a heatwave? or have we adapted too well to the freezing cold of melbourne winter? i'd forgotten what malaysian weather is like, but here i still prefer the dry crackly heat to the dry crackly cold of winter.

out comes my beloved umbrella, and sunscreen is kept in my handbag as opposed to some dusty corner in my room.

reading how to be good and nick hornby is an excellent writer because i'm repulsed by david. so repulsed i chanted ''bastard'' and '' motherfucker'' in a semi-rage at the bus stop. sonak kinda took the steam out of me by correcting my ''beh-sterd'' to ''bah-sterd''. since coming here i'd been confused by correct pronounciation. hd and sonak are both v. brit so sometimes they adjust my accent simply 'cos it's american instead of brit. is my new bff. so far i'd corrected my pronounciation of a few of my fave words-- dilemma and crows (crow is not a fave word but i need to use it on a regular basis when bitching about the hateful creatures). but i also realized there's nothing wrong with my ''body'' and ''bastard'' lalala.


now i'd started it feels quite lovely to while away an afternoon in the cool of the computer lab, dissecting issues which are not issues at all.

met thasha today at caulfield. almost didn't recognize her-- she'd lost half of herself! the first person who slimmed down in this fattening country! wow. apparently she hits the gym 2 hours a day. om-effing-gosh! that's the same amount taylor lautner puts in! i'd rather remain fat than work out 2 hours a day, which can be spent.. blogging in the lab. or studying-- depending on whether your name is min or diane.

bumped in ai also. still svelte and gorgeous as ever-- all clean makeup, understated style and green tea perfume. she is my idol! (as usual, i sound like a stalker. don't worry, i'm not. and i like guys. so there.)

i googled ''audrey hepburn'' after watching my fair lady and was shocked to see her describing herself as plain. gosh! all girls have issues, man.

Wednesday, 4 November 2009


had a cup of espresso to jolt myself awake yesterday.
it made my face twitch nonstop for a few hours + my jaw tingled + kept having to get up and walk around the apartment = bad idea.

this is not the best month. everybody is so keyed up.
but misery is only temporary ^^

i know people think it's weird that i like to jog in the football fields behind our campus.
in fact, they think it's weird that i exercise during exams, period.
but it's really peaceful on the fields.. relaxing..
plus it's not like i work out so intensely i exhaust myself--
a 20-minute jog isn't gonna topple me.
one can only punch numbers in calculators for so long.

i effing HATE it when stab their calculators hard during exams, as if they can whip the calculator into magically producing correct numbers.

Tuesday, 3 November 2009


no. of times dreamed of returning home: gazillion

last night was a bit different-- i dreamed nobody choi me as i was so fat they couldn't recognize me.

and i dreamed i caught a petite chinese lady assassin who tried to finish me off when she realized i knew it was her who chopped off another lady's leg.


thought of another new activity i tried here--

skiing: once

no. of times fell face down: 1

no. of times fell on ass: endless

no. of times whizzed gracefully down slope (like in movies): 0

no. of people i smashed into: 2

no. of trees i crashed into: 1

i DESPISE skiing. i know it makes me sound un-sporty and not fun but i truly do hate it.


now keen to try rogaining but none of my friends are into it!

now at the mercy of mitch, who'll hopefully pair me up with a non-zealous jogger.
just wanna try rogaining, not compete.

Sunday, 1 November 2009

home ii

rationally, i understand that these are my glory years. my parents are sponsoring me to have fun in a foreign country. it'll all be over all too soon. the last thing i should be doing is to miss home. i should spend january sweltering in melbourne and bitching about the heat.

what surprised me was how much i missed home. i couldn't focus at work yesterday because
1. i could hardly breathe in the still muggy heat, and
2. i missed home.

now that the flight tic home has been booked, i feel calmer, something to look forward to. admittedly i'm still a bit worried about fighting with my parents [it's inevitable, like death] but hopefully it won't be too bad. and the rumor mills in msia working overtime, churning gossip about somebody in aus. seriously, people, you don't have anything better to do? news even reached friends in china. hopefully the dust will have settled in jan.

but what irks me is how i have nothing to show for my year in australia.

australian friends: few but not close

other international friends: few but not close

spunky surfers met: 0

non-spunky surfers met: 0 [the lack of surfers is getting to me]

aussie accent rating: 1 out of 10 [pushing it]

american accent rating: 4 out of 10 [may as well remain in msia and self-educate with gossip girl]

china/taiwanese accent: 9 out of 10 [may as well go to china]

camps attended: 0 [i know i should, but i don't really thrive in the wild and it was effing cold!]

weight gained: a lot [i don't know why but everybody is obsessed with my weight. they keep pestering me to reveal my weight to them. why? why does it matter to them?!]

states visited: perth, gold coast, sydney [surprisingly, most aussies have never been to other states]

no. of conversations i struck up: 0

this list is getting depressing, especially the last one. i was just itching to talk to michael last wednesday but i just couldn't! and i don't even like him! i just find him intriguing as he's taking criminology. what's wrong with me?!

here's to the last few months. allons-y!

Thursday, 29 October 2009

flightless bird

my new mp3 addiction, just nanoseconds after hearting cry for you. spring fever is in the air. sonak and i went running and jumping and skipping at the football field behind home. felt so free, like a dream, though just finished one exam, three more coming.

australia is so beautiful.. i love the stars in the sky at night. i love seeing the moon during the day. i love the pink clouds. i love the bare stretches of green grass. i love how people greet each other with xo's.

today was muggy and hot. i felt like i was burning, exploding with energy. it was too warm to eat, but i was hungry. in constant state of breathlessness, not aided by my sudden urge to jump. on the bed, sofa, whilst chatting to diane.

shouldn't have borrowed new moon from the library. finished it in a day, the day before the exams. and had sudden desire to re-watch twilight, which i did just now. edward is gorgeous, but i prefer jake. have crossed over to the dark side to support team jacob.

the clincher was how warm he is-- admittedly a fictional werewolf trait. but i have this belief that you can tell how kind people are by holding their hands. warm hands = kind heart. it's fairly accurate but don't know what to make of kent who has warm palms but cold fingers.

Sunday, 25 October 2009

halfway around the world

gosh, dunno why but have been listening to a*teens' halfway around the world on loop for an hour. heart tamia's officially missing you , esp the cover by the beautiful js but halfway is just too cute and catchy.

had a good, good night at mubs ball last night. didn't stagger home regretting playing with somebody. audrey was uncomfortable with being in a situation where she knew limited people so she drank too much but had fun after she barfed and sobered up.

she was pleasantly surprised by how relaxed everybody is. none of the elaborate dressing of the international ball. and i was surprised at how she was surprised at the way the aussies just get up and dance.

i'd always lived according to my whims, which has earned me the label ''weird'' [malaysians] or its prettier cousin ''quirky'' [singaporeans]. so just goofing off on the dance floor is natural, as long as there are people on it with me. i like playing, not performing.

but it was a refreshing change for audrey, or so she says. i was glad for her. even though we were a bit lost when we first arrived, hardly knowing anybody. but i'm used to being in situations where i only know a handful of people. however, do it enough times and you'll realize you're gonna be ok, and even have fun =)

Thursday, 22 October 2009

they said..

in the banquet, when the crown prince inquired his naive fiancee, ''how did my father die?''

she replied, ''they said.. it was from a scorpion bite.''

''how can there be a scorpion in his living quarters?''

''they said.. the scorpion crawled in through an open window.''

''who are they?!''

''they?'' here the green girl looked momentarily confused. ''they are the people of the palace, of course.''

since then i'd always tried to track down the source of the rumors i care about. people always say ''they'', but who the hell are they?!


whenever i see celebrities complaining about rumors, i'll be thinking, quit whining, you selfish punk. you're making heaps of money. think of the starving children.

but when stuff like that happens to oneself, it actually hurts. it's ironic how i'm always going, ''there's no smoke without fire'', blah blah blah.. so when something crops up about self, can't really blame others for believing it.

thank goodness was brought up to be thick-skinned. and, in comparison with all the hungry kids in the world, am far better off. whenever something bad happens, will remind myself that none of this shit will matter in a year or two.

Tuesday, 20 October 2009


received email from dad today. by some odd twist of fate, will be going to msia for summer break if insurance doesn't cover teeth-- discovered a chip a few days ago.

surprised by the extent of delight at this news. spent 19 years of life hankering to go out into the big world out there and once out there, knackering to return to the nest [if only for a few days]. *sigh* grass is always greener on the other side.


will be going for free ben & jerry ice-cream at clayton campus with sue han later. have been hanging out with her almost daily since saturday night. studied together last night and enthralled peeps with my description of how animals perceive human beings. is v. interesting.. read about it in an ielts exercise.


argh just received a text from friend. having bit of a tiff with him. don't mean to sound snotty but truly do not know what to do with him!

how do you explain to somebody.. love is free.. you can't make somebody love you just because you love him enough.. it's not because one is inadequate, it's because fate has decided it's not your time to be celebrated by love yet.. but your time will come.. we must bersabar til then..

can't make him understand.. and feel v. sorry because i've been through all that shitty anguish and/or depression before. yet can't sacrifice schoolwork to play games with him. so of course, favorite strategy for dealing with undesirable situations-- ignore.

Monday, 19 October 2009

this charming man

ugh. bone tired lately. everybody's comments on me has been, ''wow, you look stressed.''

i just feel exhausted all the time.


finished reading this charming man. v. good, as good as anybody out there? anti domestic violence! sometimes i look at power couples and i feel a teeny bit envious [ok, had to self-edit, just in case]. but often, beneath the gleaming front, i often discover things are not always what they seem. and that is somehow very disappointing..


will be remaining here for another year. whenever i used to think of aussie, spunky surfers, golden beaches, icy cocktails etc. would pop into my mind. but as was traipsing around woolworths, mindlessly shoving random boxes of junk into my trolley, realized awful truth about self-- have yet to meet surfers here! spunky or otherwise. am not even picky now.

mm.. should go out more.

Thursday, 15 October 2009

the season again

s had craving for mackers last night and swore off guys between bites of filet-o-fish.

f called for the first time-- ok, maybe second-- since i flew here.. imagine the intensity of his 'issues of the heart' to talk to me for 114 minutes.

'tis the season of broken hearts again. just in time for un-spring weather-- cold, windy, rainy.

am single too so in no position to encourage them. i tried, ''erm, in the books i've read--''

''books are all fake!'' s screeched.

um, ok.

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

soul for sale-- what $5 + kfc can buy

as everybody who is even remotely close to me is aware, my korean boss gave me an additional $5 for my first official shift last saturday. with that, and a kfc twister, mashies and mountain dew, he bought my loyalty.

the restaurant is a small establishment, which reminds me of my parents' company. i can't speak korean but i understood the gist of their discussion as they prepared to pay me. boss asking lady boss to give me an extra fiver-- something so 'dad' about it all.. i was charmed.

dad is mia again!


every time i think about the too-buttery biscuits i baked for hd and my apartment, i feel itchy all over, and get this raging urge to chuck them. i don't understand why they're bugging me so!

Monday, 12 October 2009

a v. productive day

i went out yesterday because a. i feel like i deserve a break from study/work and b. i know i'll binge-eat at home if i don't. going to the city calms me and stimulates me at the same time. but i don't lepak-- heck, i don't even enjoy the ultimate girl-sport of window shopping.
i have plans.
1st stop: off to clayton to find a korean saloon to dye my hair back to black. you get what you pay for. the viets ruined my hair. there's a knot at the nape of my neck which has been tangled for.. a month at least.
no korean saloons! but spotted v. cheap mangoes-- $1.80 each. i'd evolved into a full-blown auntie since i began doing own groceries. diane and i bought one each, feeling v. pleased with our purchases.
then we crossed the street and saw mangoes going for $1.50 each. argh! why does this always happen to me?! couldn't believe it, decided sth must be off with the $1.50 mangoes. took my $1.80 mango from my bag and held it against the cheaper one.
aha! i knew it!
'' it's smaller,'' i informed diane confidently. '' that's why it's cheaper. we didn't get ripped off.''
'' ok,'' diane looked a bit dubious.
no use crying over split milk.
couldn't locate any korean saloon so decided to make way to carnegie to try luck. bought a couple boxes of hello panda for lunch. since i started work, mini purchases like these don't make me feel guilty anymore.
stop 2: carnegie
traipsed up and down the main street until finally saw koreana. it was open! i felt ashamed of my knotty, sticky hair. i hadn't shampooed this morning after gym as i'd read somewhere that one should refrain from shampooing before a dye job.
it costs $120 to dye and cut my hair. one week's wages at pacific! but with $10 change. ok.
didn't make small talk with stylist. busy reading marian keyes' this charming man. yes, it's chick-lit, but it's bestseller chick-lit with heart. am SO happy that hair didn't sting from all the chemicals like it did in lily's.
stylist took ages to untangle my hair. ooh how did i let myself go?!! *anguish*
.. finished! my hair is so black and shiny it looks blue, somehow. i look weird-- less sunshiny and more.. depressed. pale. male stylist says i can't have bangs. *sighs* must have sharp face to carry them off.
cardigan smelling a bit funky. what kind of a girl am i?! am dishonor to the female species.
stop 3: city
as usual, trotted to star book cafe and flicked through a new queen with a hot mug of oat milk tea. bliss.
all the girls in queen are seriously skinny. envious.
read this charming man-- it was so funny. kept smiling to self but tried to keep a check on it as afraid may appear mental to girls in next table. however, lol-ed at one part. just couldn't help it! quickly called kent so can pretend am lol-ing at sth funny he said.
ate dinner at eugene's. wow. it was his once-in-6-months cooking spree. i got lucky. sweet & sour pork. seaweed soup with home made meatballs. rice (eugene cooks the best rice-- a bit soggy, not too dry). and a dahl with potatoes, carrots and chicken by yuki.
shadow was super adorable. i ate kneeling in front of the coffee table, and he kept scrambling onto my lap. he's so cute and so fake-looking, like a soft toy. after dinner, watched an old hk drama.
left around 9.30pm. eugene asks, '' so early?!'' it's his standard reply whenever i take my leave. i could have been there for half the day, watching tv on his lovely big screen and he'd still give me ''so early?!'' when i said i should go.
diane baked bread pudding. told me i looked like a jap because the black brings out the white in my skin.
'' i look like i'm wearing a wig!'' i groaned.
'' haha, you think so too? i was thinking the same thing.''
went to sue han's apartment to let her see my new (or old) hair color.
'' you look japanese,'' she kept laughing. that's the new code for '' you look like you're wearing a wig'', i suppose.
lots of people couldn't recognize me sans brown hair. or with combed and blow-dried hair. i usually go everywhere with wet, uncombed hair.
then celebrated fujitsu's birthday.
2am. henn drik played mum (switching off my laptop, locking my door after putting my keys inside my room-- i usually lock my door but leave my key in the outside keyhole, etc.) after coming to see my hair.
a v. v. productive day.

Wednesday, 7 October 2009

why did i learn japanese instead of korean?

went for my first training at pacific last night.

what will it be like to work for koreans [as opposed to vietnamese]?

it's just.. different.

met unnie style [i think that's her name], who's married at 24!! gosh!

v. delighted with the food lift and order system.

currently obsessed with wearing gloves before i do dishes.

wished i'd did korean instead of jap last sem so i can understand what lady boss and unnie yakking about.

now it's back to assignments!

Tuesday, 6 October 2009

super tense

woke up feeling dead.

decided it must be the 2-day dirt clogging up my pores and blocking my aura so took a full shower, with hair treatment and body scrub-a-dub-dub.

before that, figured my hair must be weighing me down and gave self a clumsy diy trim. shit.

ate herbal soup and bickies for brunch but still feel exhausted. been practically existing on bickies lately. am going to hell.

couldn't absorb anything from text or tutor. had to be in same class as cute guy when looking like crap and super pale.

have to walk to work in freak windy weather in a couple of hours.

then have to walk back, just in time for assignment discussion.

i'm depressed. just want to roll over and die.


i'm sure things will get better. i'm practically rock bottom now.

Thursday, 24 September 2009

lame fame

the trailer was so-so but the trailer track was catchy so i thought, maybe the producers just don't know how to cut the trailer better. WRONG!

there is nothing better to cut.

ok, so asher book is quite cute. and his voice lovely. but his character [and all the other characters] is/are so bland i couldn't care less whether they made it big.

i don't believe they want it bad. i don't believe they are talented. i don't believe they have a future in performing arts. i don't believe they're real.

i don't feel sorry for them when they fail/get cheated. i don't feel like cheering for them when they land a deal.

jenny [kay panabaker] was the worst. thinking about her gives me a headache.

the only upside of this flick is not the dancing, it's the crop of new faces [to girl who hailed from village like me, anyway]. kherington payne is hot!

the only dude who can act-- collins pennie.

go watch 500 days of summer instead.

Tuesday, 22 September 2009

500 days of summer

brandon heard it is good so we met up at chaddy this afternoon to watch it.

i didn't know joseph gordon-levitt is the male lead until i saw the poster at hoyts. i'd seen him in 10 things i hate about you -- v. cute character who learns french to get a girl. it's just me [i checked with my friends], but he looks v. chinese to me, which just adds to his charm.

he was a bit scrawny in 10 but he'd lengthened enough in 500. plus syaz just informed me he is captain cobra in gi joe! omo the good-looking soldier-turned-psycho.

obviously i'm semi-obsessed with jgl and this is fated to be one of those posts which will be incoherent.


it was kinda annoying how 500 kept flicking forwards and backwards, but at least the numbers provided kept me in the loop as to where we were. i liked it. enough to rant about it.

500 didn't live up to brandon's expectations but i loved it [minus the excessive time warp thingy] esp. the part where we were shown 2 scenarios at the same time-- expectations vs. reality. it made me a tad dizzy but it is genius!

i loved it. go watch it.

Sunday, 20 September 2009

talking with my family

what a sleep-inducing blog title. but it meant so much to me. it's been 2 days and i'm still smiling over the 2-hour conversation, though 1 hour consisted of fann cursing as he struggled with his blog layout.

feeling a bit homesick lately. it's odd, for i never got full-blown homesickness. there has been times i'd tossed and turned at night because i wanted to hold coco so bad, but not enough to make the thought of returning appealing.

it felt very comforting and familiar to have fann call my chinese name in his distinct style. and hear dad crack jokes about my weight. i refused to switch on my webcam as i didn't want my family to all collapse from a heart attack from my weight gain. my mum can't even recognize me with a tan, much less with additional kgs on me.

dad had to ask, 'what do you look like now?'

'fat,' i replied flatly.

'haha,' cue dad's joke about how i resembled a ball when i was a baby and he never knew how to hold me as i was too round for him to get a grip on me.


mum took almost 2 hours to get her ass to the laptop. she has this annoying habit of making us online then not talking to us. however, i persevered and got the opportunity to hear her nag.

our family loves blunt questions, it's embedded in our dna--

eg. 1

me, looking at photos of fann's 'advanced' friends on his blog, suddenly worried for my bro's integrity, blurted out, 'eh, are you still a virgin?'


eg. 2

'is anybody chasing you?' mum.

'nope,' sheepishly.

'too fat?'


mum may appear to be a negative influence but what she says is true. i'm addicted to saying, 'my mum says..'


'are you working?'

'nope,' mentally kicked myself for not seeking a job in the city.


'nobody's hiring me,' well, at least not in this suburb and the next.

'well, our neighbor's daughter is working 2 days a week in sydney.'

that was all it took. i couldn't sleep until 2am, and i was up at 7am to get ready to go job-hunting in the city.

job-seeking can be very de-motivating. plus i can understand why thin girls are favored-- the restaurants are so crowded, it can be difficult to maneuver around if you're fat. and shops are packed to the max with v. breakable items.

tomorrow will be better =)

Monday, 14 September 2009

all doped up

today is one of the worst days of my life. the only things comparable are similar events in high school and monash malaysia, having my heart broken and hearing ahma had to undergo surgery.

the saddest part is i'm not exaggerating.

my period, which, at best, comes around every 3 weeks, was late. on paper it was a perfect cycle, and xian and eunice would have been happy for me-- they're forever commenting that at the rate i'm going, i'll be unable to have babies.

but yesterday i cramped so bad during my jog, i took forever to return home. shaz's tip is to just sit on the ground instead of squatting, which i did at intervals. it's scary when the pain won't subside and home seems far away and you don't have a phone on you.

i thought it couldn't get worse, but it was so bad today. nothing helped-- warm water, a warm wheat bag. i'm a bit fuzzy now from all the pain-killers i swallowed and all the hours in bed. the pain was so intense, and crying and moaning don't lessen it. horrible, horrible, horrible.

i remember crying at the student center in high school, pleading for pain-killers, which the school claimed they stopped selling as it is bad for health. and sitting on the toilet floor at uni in malaysia because i couldn't move. this was worse than those.

i never NEVER want to feel that pain again. i'll buy prescription strength pain-killers next time i'm out and pop them at the first twinge of discomfort in my back. i don't care if i destroy my immune system. i'd rather die than go through that hell again. this must be what hell feels like.

Friday, 11 September 2009

chuck vs nate


finished season 2 gossip girl last night, but i'd been hankering to make noise about chuck vs nate for awhile.

gg is a bit repetitive and has an incest-like quality 'cause everybody is having sex with each other but i still heart it because the actors and clothes are beautiful.

the one episode which left an impression [as opposed to fashion inspiration] was when blair told dorota how.. nice it felt to be with nate. just so you know, nate is ze most boring dude in the entire show. but he is also the handsomest.

blair has a thing for chuck, the classic bad boy, but after a lot of heartache and tears, she decided that it was nice to be with nate.

who describes love with 'nice'? it practically translates into 'we never make out and we spend all our time discussing alan greenspan's bio'.

but i kinda liked the concept of love being 'nice'. and 'easy'. 'fun'. as opposed to intense passion with chuck, but always ending with the girl crying alone.


o.. the eye-opener of the month-- love can be 'nice', too.
love shouldn't have to be a nonstop roller-coaster ride which makes you puke, even if the adrenaline and kick is high.

Thursday, 10 September 2009




i couldn't copy the even more gorgeous lv bags' photos off the snobby lv site--
they're probably worried about counterfeiting.

nobody counterfeits coach bags, they're american [not french] and cheaper than lv.
they list prices on their site.

ooh i never thought i'd fall into the trap of luxury goods' shameless advertising.
but it's an investment, actually.
it's better to blow on a good bag and purse and not have to buy for ages, whilst still looking posh.

argh bernice could buy a coach purse with her bf's shopping allowance for one night!
though there'd probably be a huge fight afterwards.

my beautiful bag's lining has ripped and my purse is frayed around the edges, dusty, and a teeny bit greasy from all those times i didn't wipe my oily fingers before touching it--
these 2 items are love at first sight, the bag has been with me for about a year and the purse, 3 years.
i remember blogging about the bag-- it had cost rm60, a fortune at that time, but i had to have it when i saw it.

ok, before i can afford my own lv, i'll stick to my extensive collection of enviro bags.
no point wasting money on a 2nd rate half-loaf bag.


bernice has a nice bf.
during steamboat last sunday, bernice told lawrence something damn classic--

you're a good bf, but you could be better;
i'm a bad gf, but i could be worse.


Wednesday, 2 September 2009

the best advice

爱你 不需要原因
分隔两地 也可以传给你
爱你 不会有距离
随时随地 我也可以感觉得到你

小时候常常 担心一个问题
男人结婚之后 到底会不会外遇
我的爸爸妈妈 在我小学三年级
他们离婚了 其实我非常的伤心

长大后觉得 没什么了不起
爱情并不是 生活里全部的事情
只要此时此刻 我们爱得很用心
就足够 我一辈子去回忆


有时候 我也会碰到不如意
宁愿哈哈大笑 也不要哭哭啼啼
付出去的感情 就算都没有回应
可以碰到你 已经觉得非常幸运

失败做错了 也没什么关系
要找回那颗 不认输的心

幸福全部 要靠自己努力去争取

被我的爱 感动的人

就算我们 不能地久天长

就算没有 我想要的答案


my fave lyrics, from high school til now.
vivi rocked to have penned such a breezy yet encouraging song.

there are always things we're not supposed to do, like packing up and going for an impromptu holiday.

and there are so many charming guys we know are bad news, yet can't help liking.
i say, as long as he's not a violent druggie / serial womanizer / money-sucking small-white-face, he's ok.
if you like somebody, why fight it?

people think too much nowadays.


of course he didn't say that, but his scriptwriter did a good job with that line.

Saturday, 29 August 2009

i gotta feeling. i had a ball.

somewhere.. over the rainbow..

suffered through an intense week with 3 assignments due and horrible weather. think 140km/h winds. hail. thunderstorms. sonak spotted the above rainbow after we battled the elements to shop at the nearby butcher's. it's the first time we've ever seen a rainbow from end to end. wow.

fancy table settings

nearly died yesterday-- woke, struggled with assignment, then it was straight to dolling up for the ball. ever since i gained weight, i've despised all party prep. popped by ash's to use her fabulous 78-color palette. wz picked a blue shade for me. they were so fantastic at their makeup i felt intimidated and crawled back to my apartment for a nip of choya.

lesson learnt-- never skip foundation when everybody else is wearing it. you'll only feel naked and end up getting your friend to help you swipe it on the bus.

however, i did a considerable number of stuff correct-- starting my prep a few days before. mask on tue, eye mask on wed, wax and nails on thu. so i could be serenely sucking on a lollipop which i nicked off sue han while she was too panicked to care while she was running around like a headless chicken.

i'm quite smug over my dress of choice

hiding from brandon's fat-photo guerrilla

most of the other girls were decked in strapless, figure-hugging numbers which required heaps of subtle and not-so-subtle pulling up [and down]. it's obvious a strapless dress which have to be yanked up again and again to stop it from sliding down and exposing your non-matching bra, but when it's tight, too, it tends to ride up your legs, so one has to tug it down to cover non-matching undies.

it's not glam to have other girls describing your dress as comfy, but i'm prone to jumping when i'm excited, and an incident involving ice at maison has taught me that jumpers and strapless don't go well together.

my moving heart attack trigger-- brandon

brandon has quite a few shots of me legging it in his album. gosh, all the exposed lard jiggling off me, just begging to be captured by brandon and posted on his blog. brandon, when will you reform?! i'm pleased i won't be joining you at cq this weekend.


this ball was more boring than the mrs ball. the concept is different. in between courses, everybody hit the dance floor at mrs ball. here, we have performances. however, the food was delicious.

drool. you have no idea how hungry dressing up makes you.

note the v. cute baby carrots.

a surprisingly yum combo. even the pistachio ice-cream was edible.

coin-operated hair straightener. now i've seen it all.

hailing from a 3rd-world country, i was delighted when i stumbled upon this invention in robarta, where the after-party was held.

the only highlights of the ball were the food, hanging out and dancing. and that's only because i have a knack for working myself up into a high over nothing. eu jin was a surprisingly awesome dancer. he's actually quite cute when he's all suited up.

everybody should've seen him doing billie jean. dancing is fun.. even though my tipsy girlfriends kept lunging at me to give me a hug.. and nearly ripping my dangly earrings out in the process.

ooh, tempted by merdeka celebration. thank goodness i'm not patriotic.

Tuesday, 25 August 2009


of course, am procrastinating by pretending to de-stress via blogging.

watched a lovely episode of gossip girl just now-- almost shed a few tears. it was the thanksgiving episode, so family drama and mushy happy endings were unavoidable. or maybe the excess emotions stemmed from the choya i enjoyed with dinner just now. my face is red.

movies about families always makes me cry. even when watching secret, which made me cry so hard i could hardly drive afterwards, i first lost it when rain's mother thought she was crazy and put her on medication.

my family is different than most. i've met some of my friends' mums and they are all bubbly and goofy. i can't picture my mum coming to sleepover and cook and chat with my friends. she doesn't do that sort. my friends tell their mums most stuff, but i can't imagine calling mum and saying, 'hey mum! somebody asked me out today!'

sometimes my friends call to talk about.. things going on in their lives i.e. i like him but he might not be serious so should i accept his dinner invitation?.. kinda like b and s in gg [they share everything! so weird]. this kinda chats are quite novel to me-- i wasn't brought up to divulge personal information, even to family. i think it's good, though. i always know what to do instinctively, no need to summon a meeting and discussion everytime something comes up.

still.. i heart my family.. heh only because i'm too far away to fight with them! nah.. even when i was with them, sometimes i'll feel a rush of affection for them [usually coincides with the purchase of fabulous new clothes / phone / car?].. ana i really love them lah. wow! sounds gross.


was chatting with sonak just now.. realized i've been heaps calmer since my return from perth-- i haven't been to a club, spent excessively or did anything stupid since. can i be growing up?!

Monday, 24 August 2009

unveil the superstar

i bought this on impulse in springvale last saturday. it's useless regarding tips on how to beautify oneself, except the confession that female celebrities remain svelte by always being hungry, no shortcuts. i didn't start skipping meals, but i felt better in a sadistic sort of way.

this book is quite entertaining and eye-opening. it talks about non-invasive plastic surgery, like hyaluronic acid which gave hyori her nose--

omo so tempted!

and botox. barbie shared a funny [wow, looks like i'm in a mean mood tonight] story about a male actor who botox-ed his brow area, egging his doctor to increase the quantity injected.. so much that he had permanently slightly raised brows and the worst bit is that his forehead was so rigid, he was unable to fully close his eyelids for 4 months! even when he was sleeping! wow. ouch.

argh back to tuts and assignments now. i don't care about my clutch anymore-- i just want to have all my assignments done on time!

Sunday, 23 August 2009


serena's white party dress

i know, season 3 is probably complete, and i'm still in the first stages of hearting this season 2 look. i was in a semi-dilemma whilst out shopping with sue han and diane yesterday over what to wear for the ball on friday.

my silver dress has been worn to death. i'm wearing it in half of my facebook albums. plus it looks jakun.

i love my new black backless [!] dress but it's transparent. i don't wanna end up with photos like my grad prom-- not that i'm intending to snap much shots. i don't want fat records of myself. and, everybody will be clad in black. boring.

but i was thinking, if i wear my black dress, i won't have to buy new heels. black dress + silver heels + black beaded evening bag.. but then i also won't be able to wear my new turquoise jangly earrings.

if i wear my silver dress, i'll need new heels, which i can get in teal to match my earrings. but a black bag?

then i stumbled upon a white chiffon sequin trim dress, which reminded me of the white party. it's a tad pricey at $29, but i'll be able to wear my old heels. white goes well with turquoise, too. diane went, shoes are more expensive than dresses, it's better to buy a new dress to match your old shoes.

now i just need a teal clutch.

Friday, 21 August 2009

le petit prince.. and the old lady

my all-time fave book. when beth mentioned it in adam, i suddenly missed my beautiful 60th anniversary collectors' edition.. tucked somewhere in my parents' room. when i left malaysia i didn't think i'd need any sentimental knick-knacks with me-- soft toys, cherished books-- but evidently i do.

thanks to bernice, i have a bunny to keep me company at night, and i'd bought a secondhand copy of french.

the old lady

at the train station, after adam, we met an outspoken old lady. being jakun asians, i was helping sue han snap photos with the semi-artwork [because they look too dilapidated to be classified as 100% art], when the old lady called out to us. she'd thought we were leaving our groceries as we were hidden from view.

after that, she began making conversation. whenever i speak to mature-age aussies, they always ask the same question-- will i be applying for pr? to which i always answer 'no', not because i don't intend to, but because i didn't want to intimidate them. everybody is saying, australia is the new asia. black hair everywhere.. and half the blondes are bottle.

however, this old lady encouraged us to stay. she prompted us to speak up like aussies-- most malaysians auto-mute in the presence of foreigners. i don't understand-- why would she want more of us here? australia is already being flooded with asians. personally, i would be super-pissed if i was australian.. i suppose the way i view the world is so fixed, i find it difficult to see it from another point of view.

she gave us some sage advice, though. i'd like her if i could confirm that she is sane. [i know it sounds b*tchy but i've talked to some mental / tipsy / tipsy people before.] i can't tell anything until they start repeating questions.. then i know they're a bit off.

Thursday, 20 August 2009


mex was giving out free tickets, so i went with sue han and diane. i had been pleased to see that it is a modern film, and a winning one at that. but i couldn't fully comprehend it. how do people fall and stay in love?

can a person with aspie experience love? when even non-afflicted people find it difficult? i don't understand how love works-- the mind accepts the theories, but something else just feels wrong. aspie aside, can we ordinary beings separate love from need? lust? adam couldn't.. and i suspect most of us can't, either. we're just better at hiding it.

when adam spoke of stars moving away from each other at the negative speed of light, i couldn't help feeling he was talking about us-- harried humans. most of the times i feel very detached from the people around me. i've read that heaps of people feel the same, but that doesn't help me feel closer to anybody.

Tuesday, 18 August 2009


read about aunt penny's birthday.. rather lovely, especially when compared to dad's.

received a long email from him just now-- long by dad's standards, anyway-- and he said mum had overlooked his birthday. haiz. HOW CAN THEY?! what is fann doing?! dad seems a bit bummed, and i guess he has to shoulder a lot, despite his age.

i hope they'll find a new maid soon, and fann will quit getting into tiffs with mum, which is an uber challenge, but a girl can dream.


couldn't help unloading on diane just now, and she was shocked, 'what's wrong with your family?!'

i dunno, but at least i can blame my weirdness on something. went grocery shopping alone yesterday and bumped into alex and wz on the way. i didn't know it was odd to walk to town alone, but apparently it is.

Sunday, 16 August 2009

girls who cry

a couple of fridays ago, i celebrated eugene's birthday with a dinner in the city with his friends.

the nanosecond i stepped into his apartment, i knew something was wrong-- yuki had mascara streaks on her face and her eyes and nose were raw-pink and puffy. eugene was being unusually gentle. argh i hate the awkwardness of being in the midst of a couple in a fight.

after eugene left to shower, yuki broke the silence by telling me about the reason behind their argument. i couldn't help smiling when i heard it, which proves what a weirdo i am. the gist of it is that yuki was planning to surprise eugene by knitting him a scarf and baking him a birthday cake and eugene had ruined it.

yuki had told eugene to call her before he dropped by the star cafe where she worked and eugene had simply barged inside and expressed impatience whilst yuki floundered around trying to hide the scarf. eugene had been impatient and annoyed when yuki appeared unhappy, but that was only because he had bought yuki a new camera and couldn't wait to surprise her.

wow. they seem to have stepped right from the set of a korean soap opera. anyway i was very amused by yuki's tears and told kent that it was such a cute thing to cry over. i guess it's easy to keep things in perspective when i'm unaffected by feelings.

it will be a different story when i'm the one knitting. not that i ever will. after that little episode, we enjoyed a lovely dinner at a fancy chinese restaurant.

even the table settings are posh.

as you can see, my brother and i are genetically inclined to snap photos of scraps >.<
eugene and yuki, who flew to sydney last weekend for a ms. chinese beauty peageant.

a chef carving the house specialty-- peking duck-- beside our table. yum!

the other birthday boy's fave dish-- chinese cabbage stewed with milk. he couldn't wipe the grin from his face when he saw this.

fried prawns. mm great now i have craving for chinese food.

the birthday boys with yuki's cake =)

my slice of heaven heh.

my friends outside from monash are usually in their late 20s, which is considered old to a new 二十歳 like me. when i meet new people, i just automatically assume they are also はたち


yesterday i went skiing with the ultra outdoors club. i'm not atletic at all and can only excel in sports that require no equipment or teamwork. running, swimming [though i have nil technique] and hiking comes to mind. i hate dragging people down, which is why i stay away from tennis, badminton, ping pong, basketball etc.

thanks to boys over flowers, the korean version of meteor shower, i was kinda anticipating this ski trip.

ok this is some crap shot i googled. but everything looked so fun!

and i'd never seen snow. and i'd spent $170 on this trip. so i decided to try to enjoy it even if it was that time of the month.

it was pure torture, from waking up at 2am to board the bus at 3am.. to squeezing my legs into the stiff boots that made me walk with bent knees permanently.. to lugging the 1000tonne ski equipment.. to winding up the mountain-- i came prepared with sweet plums.. slipping around the snow..

i nearly fell to my death while struggling up a flight of stairs and a dude came to help me.

'wow,' rach marvelled. 'prince charming..'

rolling my eyes, i pointed at the back of the guy's jacket, where GUEST SERVICES was emblazoned.

i managed to fit into my skis and entered another new phase of agony-- sliding backwards. as much as i attempted to stop this indignity by stabbing my poles into the stupid snow and clinging to them for dear life, i continued gostan-ing and bumping into people.

shit. as if that isn't enough, i managed to slide and fall facedown into a pile of snow the nanosecond i disembarked the chair ski lift. damn damn damn. i couldn't get up and after some useless flailing around, another guest services guy came to drag me up.

the class was helpful, but after a few more falls, crashing into trees [the horror] and people [sorry] and writhing around in the slushy snow to unlock my ski boots, yet again, i'd had enough.
irl, skiing isn't a bloody korean piece of rice cake.

however, despite not skiing, i still managed to be late for the return trip. sue han, one of my sister-level friends at res, was the only one later than me, and she was so upset about the entire ordeal she cried all the way down to the resort to return our equipment.

sitting beside her on the bus, i couldn't find the right words to say. it felt just as bad as skiing. how do people in real life comfort crying people? i haven't had anybody cry in my presence since.. a couple of years ago? 3 years ago, probably.

i considered referring to soaps but it seems such a ridiculous notion.

hmm just realized it's rare to have girls comfort other girls in soaps-- it's always guys, even if they resemble girls.

i dunno who this dude is but he's one of the most amazing pieces of successful plastic surgery. ever. omo if i ever had anybody so handsome be nice to me i'll never be sad for the rest of my life.

she's pretty, too. like she just rolled out from a manga. or just exited the plastic surgeon's.

in the end i tried to recall as much as i can about how to stem the tears. erm.. the last time i cried in front of people was 3 years ago. they freaked out and just held me. it was difficult and possibly scary to suddenly lunge on sue han and squeeze her so i flitted to the next option.

my ex bestie used to tell bad jokes to cheer me up. it didn't seem appropriate. next.

in the end i was imagined i was in a soap myself and lengthened my usual 'stop crying, there's nothing to cry about.' to include some gentle words. i despise the feeling of being unable to help!