Sunday, 26 April 2009

hot guy meets fat girl

yesterday met a cute guy on the way to somewhere. v. sad when one can't hide one's blog. heard another horror story about sb's blog who accidentally went public, along with the detailed b*tchfest inside.

so instead of full lurid details, can only paint some blurry picture. anyway got chatting with Cute Guy and unintentionally let slip that i was going to gym. oh shit i hate it when people know i hit the gym almost daily-- then i'm expected to be fit / skinny / clued in to the latest health info. all of which i'm not.

;;;;;

ok ok to the point. Cute Guy actually said, 'oh yeah i see you going to gym a lot.'

it's a butt-clenchingly embarrassing as still am fat despite all the gym-ing. i always say, how you look is 80% what you eat and 20% what you do but everybody thinks otherwise. now he will think i am some lard horror which is immune to gym.

dooom!

Saturday, 25 April 2009

shiit

as if having periods once a month isn't enough, now am having it twice!

remembered the doc's concern that this isn't normal. probably due to stress. 2 ass in a week! right after easter, when i was going out every day. it's lovely to stay in once in awhile.

hope all these haywire periods will not affect my childbirth abilities. not that i'm planning on having any just yet, but it's good to keep oneself in good running condition.

my foods are expiring left and right. will enter frenzied baking phase again.

Monday, 20 April 2009

zz

ohmigod what did i do today that made me so freakin' sleeepy?

have to start editing my co. reporting ass[ignment] and reading my cost info ass questions. went out too much during easter break. thus do not feel refreshed or relaxed, just tired. so now i know, apart from my sugar addiction, i'm addicted to going out. if i turn down an offer to do something, anything, i'll somehow worry that i may be missing out on a fantastic new experience / meeting the love of my life / getting spotted by a talent scout.

;;;;;

one of the most boring, wish-i'd-stayed-in-instead days was shopping with song and his housemate from adelaide. i just stumbled around glaring at all the hot clothes that i either couldn't afford or couldn't fit into, with an annoying headache all the while, probably brought on by being indoors too much.

i hate exercising in gyms, i feel like i'm breathing in recycled air. but there is no way in hell i'm going to run outdoors with the temperature under 20degrees celsius.

the only highlight that day was watching 17 again, which just goes to show how desperate i am. it was ok though--


'thank me for making your day'

ooh i feel like such a tween gushing over zac efron but he is drool-worthy. am currently going through a i-have-thing-for-light-eyed-guys phase. he has thinned down and looks much better than he did in high school musical 3.

however, his tan looks too orange and fake. really a flick meant for kiddies, but i'm only saying that to sound like a weathered / sophisticated / cool film critic. i had a rollicking good time pressing my hands against my chest and semi-panting in cinema.

oh, and the choco top banana and pods snickers helped enhance the experience.

Saturday, 18 April 2009

crying on the train


thanks to this book i borrowed from the berwick mechanics institute library. the quaint librarian'd warned i might need tissues but i haven't cried once since i got here, so i thought i was immune.

apparently not.

add the fact that i was trying out a new australis liquid eyeliner [which happened not to be waterproof]. are there any lasting / smooth / easy-to-apply liquid eyeliners in aus?! i had dark smudges under my eyes and black specks on my hanky. i love my m.a.c. fluidline, but i need something i can use in public toilets, which is where i usually apply makeup nowadays-- i can never seem to make it to trains on time, with makeup immaculate and hair brushed, so i do it on the go.

anyway the indian lady seated opposite me tried hard not to stare but failed. miserably. i swear, she was staring as hard as the dude who was burning a hole in my shirt-dress in gold coast. the dude can be forgiven as

1. he's a dude

2. i forgot to wear shorts

3. it's normal for dudes to stare at under-dressed chicks.

the full story is i forgot to don shorts over my outfit [a shirt-dress over bikini] and went to the buffet breakfast oblivious to the fact i was half-dressed. til dude bore holes into my top. whatever, this is aus, cleavage heaven, nobody cares.. but i was [surprisingly] the least-clothed in seaworld.

back to marley and me-- i checked out the trailer on youtube just now, but it just isn't as charming as the book. most adaptions aren't. will make exception for atonement. that book is so emotional with so many unknown words i can only read it with a dictionary. i think it will plunge me into depression the way the l. m. montgomery emily books did when i was 12. i'm v. easily influenced by my reads.. but more by movies.

i miss coco. i'm not that close to her but i love cuddling and kissing her [much to mum's disgust] and she brought my family closer together. i miss sandwiching her adorable face with my hands, pinching her cheeks. i miss watching her howl musically when fann or tao plays the piano. i miss how she scampers upstairs during thunderstorms and seeks us out to seek comfort-- i get you, girl, i'm afraid of thunder and lightning too. i miss pulling into the driveway at home and seeing her comically rearing on her hind legs to peek into the car if i don't exit my car asap.

however, i doubt i'll ever get a dog of my own. cleaning up grosses me out and chasing her around the house under the sun, trying to tackle her to take a shower, is not my idea of fun.

everybody has to say goodbye in the end. this is life. and i'll have to say goodbye to melbourne if i don't return to my assignment asap. since i've decided to finish my blasted accounting degree, i have to suck up and tackle the bloody company reporting with the gusto usually reserved for food. wish me luck, i'll need it

Friday, 10 April 2009

reality

v. pissed at self for leaving beloved pencil case in shuttle bus yesterday!

to an outsider it may be losing a bunch of cheap, old, dirty-looking stationery, but to me it's like losing my 'tools of intellect'. or something. most possibly or sth.

the item i miss most is my scissors. many people think it's weird to carry a pair of scissors in my bag, with my lip balm, comb, mirror and eye drops.. but i need my scissors to cut open packets of candies and other snacks

i'm the type of person who sucks at tearing open packets with bare hands

grr!

plus, i miss my mechanical pencil and eraser too!

i'm neurotic and v. particular about my notes and scribbles-- must be neat with no mistakes, so obviously am no pen fan

must must must get ass to fountain gate tomorrow to buy these 3 emergency items.. and maybe a pair of knit boots too

;;;;;

parents coming down under this year end?!! may be going gold coast?!!!

after i'd booked gold coast trip?!!!

aiyo.. whatever i'm going to enjoy my trip as much as i can. don't think it'll be a difficult task

i was in a sunny / bubbly mood til dad's email which reminded me that i'll be in msia this time next year if i don't keep my grades up

by that i assume he means a 70% average, which i haven't seen since i was 13 and skinny

i miss coco, but not so much that i want to return!

must focus on maintaining assignment standards after gold coast!

;;;;;

what does it mean when a guy calls you but he's obviously distracted?

lj did that and i was like, 'you can call next time..' [i didn't know what to talk about with him and i wanted to continue facebook-ing or whatever v. constructive activity i was involved in at the moment]

but he just wanted to stay on the line

if i were the heroine of a movie / book it'd be because he was trying to shift my attention from my bank account [because he's shuttling my money into his account ala deception]

but this is real life, and i think it's weird

always calls but when i see him we hardly talk

whatever lah.. will continue what suat yee describes as cds-free sorry existence


cds = clubs. drinks. sex.

s
uat yee is the epitome of growing up well

i should be growing up like that! minus the piercing

look at her before photo--

i look better then than i did now-- reverse growing up ooh

will go gym now

Wednesday, 8 April 2009

i am david

i believe in the eternal goodness of people

some people aren't just as nice, and i wish i wasn't so kind, but i am
last tue the bus driver drove away, waving dismissively at me as i was running to catch the bus
i was v. pissed and kept b*tching about the 'fat bastard' [i'd fallen in love with this term since watching austin powers: the spy who shagged me] to anybody and everybody who would listen
this didn't gel well with my optimistic view of the world-- that most people are not mean, or racist, or anti-fat, or whatever
however, yesterday choo told me on the bus that the driver waved me away not because i was chinese / fat / ugly / he was a jerk, but for the simple reason that the bus was full!
being v. sensitive, i immediately felt ashamed for b*tching
but now faith in humanity has been restored =)
;;;;;
during lunch yesterday malcolm commented that i was a bit 'out there'
or 'blur' in malaysian-speak
i suffer from extreme shyness when i'm with people i don't know that well yet
but nowadays v. few people actually spend enough time with me to get to my 'comfy' stage
so i'll have to make an effort to speed things up a bit, to start talking more
or else i'll end up close-friend-less-cum-boyfriend-less forever and ever and ever
most people are really friendly anyway
;;;;;
last sunday was daylight savings day, when melbourne time was turned back an hour
at 11am, in the kitchen--
me, making breakfast, 'so, today is daylight savings?'
diane [housemate], 'yeah, we're supposed to turn clocks back an hour.'
me, thinking hard [about food, as usual], 'so.. it'll still be 11am in an hour's time?'
diane, 'yeah.'
me *wide grin, 'oh yeah! that means i can eat lunch all over again!'
diane *chokes into her cereal.
;;;;;
i shouldn't have tempted fate and said i was cool with weather changes
i'm not-- i felt super sick last night
i cooked dinner, but felt like throwing up just looking at it, so i gave up and went to bed instead
felt seriously hungry lying in bed, but no mood to get up to eat, v. miserable night
;;;;;
are private schools entitled to gov. funding?
it doesn't matter to me either way, but i find it interesting to think through
;;;;;
god, please let tj pay for our gold coast accommodation today-- i'm getting worried!

Tuesday, 7 April 2009

ze diet-inducing nightmare

2 nights ago, i had this dream of The Ex.
we were just chatting away [in the dream] when he said, 'it's ok to be fat, but flat-chested at the same time?! i'm leaving you for [insert-current-girlfriend-name]'
ouch, though now it seems kinda funny =)
in reality, his bestie [also my friend] made that comment
and i don't blame him because it's true!!!
nobody is fat and flat at the same time-- i'm a freak of nature! omo!
anyway The Ex is not the fit hunk of yesterday now, he was supposed to be on a weight loss programme when i left malaysia.. wonder how's his progress
;;;;;
i'm sick of feeling fugly and guilty whenever i miss gym
though now i feel good, the way i always do when i manage to control my diet and exercise
at times like these, of course, there are no photo ops--
no holidays, no nothing where i can take photos which actually look nice
go figure
;;;;;
saw suanie is going on reductil
waa~ good luck
i'm currently on the eat-slowly-and-put-cutlery-down-between-every-bite diet
and the veg-for-dinner diet
plus the 45-min-per-day exercise routine
;;;;;
giving cooking a miss
i practically finish my dinner in the process of cooking it
;;;;;
dad emailed me yesterday
i was so so SO pleased and surprised
happiness ^.^
i wrote him a lengthy reply, since he said he enjoys reading our emails [but not replying]
i can be v. affectionate when i know i'm wanted
;;;;;
there will be an easter egg hunt tonight
and tomorrow noon-- a chocolate event
hopefully tj has booked our accommodation for gold coast
;;;;;
temperature is dropping, but i actually like the cold because i get to wear my uggs
have my eyes on grosby knit boots too
i'd wanted a pair since last year!
i'm v. pleased with how well i'm adapting to the cold