Friday, 26 June 2009

つまらない

losing my battle with drowsiness in the eerily silent computer lab. uni is menthol-cold and so very しずか. i'm supposed to be chilled [and i guess i am, just not in the right way]. this is an elective, after all.

whatevs, betapa cranky-nya and feel like ranting.. ooh, feels quite delicious to think up things to complain about on purpose =) erm.. but it feels like i have nothing much to sulk about.. ok! thought of something!

why do guys like to confide in me when they've had a 'weird' or 'gross' [use your imagination!] dream? i don't think i really want to know. especially when i'm in it. yes, yes, i know you can't believe you had an 'odd' dream about me but it still doesn't warrant a phone call just to unnerve me. or distracting me from my studies or similar productive activities i'm partaking in.

... aiyo! can't seem to summon any negative thoughts. perhaps i'm just too delighted at this break from japanese ^.^

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met song just now. walau-eh dunno what came over him lately-- too sunshiny! all rosy cheeks and toothy grins. this is so not song. song is brooding and sulky and sometimes unapproachable. yj claims he just takes longer to warm to people. i suspect he's in love.

whatevs lah, he's just so cute when he's happy-- v. kiddy. i see him happy, i also feel happy. aiyo this is abnormal. i think i'm pms-ing. his happiness is his business, why should i care? lalala

Tuesday, 23 June 2009

relevations

i was trudging home with 9kg worth of groceries, toiletries and books today from town, when i suddenly experienced a moment. of clarity. i was listening to wish post-it on my ipod [sorry, icky translation] which is the ost of fated and feeling all fuzzy inside when i recall the highs of the soap when it hit me-- the answer to Why Guys Dig Spectator Sports and throw hissy fits when their teams lose.

it's almost the same as Girls Who Dig Soaps and get teary-eyed when the heroine suffers. a surge of empathy welled in me and i almost felt ashamed for smiling patronizingly at all the red-faced dudes shouting, ''grow some balls, ref!'' at the footy game last time. i'm no better lah.

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bumped into this guy at safeway and thought he looked sorta familiar. argh. kinda like the dude i was being v. friendly with at the booze cruise. i must've stuck stamps over my eyes, what was i thinking?! he is not hot at all, even in the dim light of dusk. stupid disco lights, blinding me. will be angelic next sem and avoid places with alcohol and dim lighting.

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sonak left for malaysia just now. tomorrow diane will go. when i return from sydney i'll be alone in a138. at least sue han has arranged for me to sleep in hann's room if i want to. will spend free time participating in equal parts cool and productive activity. just uncertain which specific activity.

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indon boys are fun. they're actually funnier than malaysians. didn't know i can go from being semi-stranger to semi-friends in less than a fortnight. all one needs is thick hide and enough car knowledge to compliment a lancer. lalala.

Wednesday, 17 June 2009

retail therapy

in retrospect it wasn't the wisest move to go grocery shopping yesterday. trying to credit my purchase of a $46 blender and $14 chopper to exam stress. not that i'm feeling particularly overwhelmed.

love the blender, made cauliflower soup last night. it sounded like a drill [diane's description]. v. noisy but the soup was yummy, tasted like the veg soup mum and ah ma used to cook.

the chopper was a useless piece of shit. will try chopping onions with it. if it fails, it'll officially become the Most Useless Chopper in World.

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before i came to aus, people kept telling me i'll change, and i believed them, but only a few days ago did i actually feel the difference in myself. in msia, i'm alone most of the time, usually in my room. i sometimes eat alone, jog alone and shop alone [or with eunice].

a few days ago i lost my way while taking a walk in one of the residential areas on the way to town. it's normal for me to get lost as i have nil sense of direction but i was surprised that i actually called for help. ie. getting a friend to come look for me in his car. i just felt v. afraid being alone in the dark. in previous cases i just kept walking til i found my way out.

yeah i've changed. into a wimp. i'm so used to being around people that being alone just feels funny now. i guess it's kinda good that i'm not AS [antisocial] but i miss the tougher me too.

Tuesday, 16 June 2009

...

i hate, hate, hate planning meals during exams. have been dragging over 買い物 list this morning without much progress. however, made excellent progress with notting hill-- finished! not as fabulous as chocolat or hou bei but still feel-good.

there are mice in our cursed apartment again! hope the health & hygiene inspector sees them and gives the office hell. what do they mean, there's not much they can do about it?! bullying us students lah~

argh it's so misty outside i feel lazy to walk all the way to town to do groceries. motivation needed. grr after i finish procrastinating on this post about nothing in particular i'll

  1. trim my long nails-- v. witchy eh
  2. finish my list
  3. change out of pjs
  4. complain about mice
  5. go grocery shopping
  6. do company reporting exercises

Monday, 15 June 2009

ロマンス

after going through hell last thu and fri, i'm giving myself mini breaks by watching 30minutes of movies after each meal. have finished 2 so far-- 后备甜心 and chocolat. both are v. romantic. a138 has evolved from Star Command Central of Birthdays and Cakes to SCC of Matchmaking. unsure if it's the weather / being away from home for so long / sheer perasan-ness, everybody seems to be 搞暧昧 ing with each other. duh.

the actress in 后备 has a lovely voice, girly and sweet but not sugary. i wish my voice was like that. i sound like a guy and i make bad jokes. i may as well start burping in public.

listening to kim ah jong's star now. when she started singing in 200 pounds beauty, i almost got goosebumps. it's pure feel-good chick flick but i felt v. sorry for her. the world is harsh to fugly people. i think the first time i watched 200 i cried when she asked the guy, i cut off my bone and skin.. laying on the table, you know whom i thought of?

i always feel sorry for other people. grr. the 后备 heroine rocked because she isn't a crybaby. tough little cookie. but the little pup at the end of the movie awakened my desire to own a pup of my own! saw a pup yesterday on res and couldn't resist going out to play with it. dogs are so cute and trusting.

chocolat was quite charming and enchanting. now i have cravings for chocolate and vanilla waffle cones. argh. what is it with me and movies? indulged in half an hour of notting hill just now. lovely. if only real life was as exciting as movies. now gtg back to hateful company reporting.

Saturday, 13 June 2009

=(

supposed to hit gym this morning but washed all my bras last night and they weren't dry yet so had to postpone til this evening.

wisdom tooth giving me a lot of pain. jaw is sore and i feel headache-y. not sure if it's attributable to flu or wisdom tooth.

throw finals into the mix and you get one v. grumpy chick.

Wednesday, 10 June 2009

doing things in public

stuff i enjoy doing in front of people
  1. running / sports [unless i'm running with david, adam or similar fast-ass which will demotivate me]. thanks to my parents' forced hiking regimen, i have better stamina than most of my peers. yes i'm a show-off.
  2. studying. i can't study in my room, slouching around in my frumpy clothes. i have to dress nicely and study in a public area-- currently it's the common hostel area-- with studious friends-- it's sue han, now and forever. she's the type of chick who misses her period during spm. in public, i feel the pressure to actually get work done instead of trimming my nails. again. or similar.
  3. reading / carrying intellectual-looking books. it makes me feel smart.

activities best performed in private

  1. eating alone. last saturday i caught the train to city for booze cruise with a bunch of people. during the hour-long journey, my stomach was making me suicidal, and the mackers takeaway in my bag was practically vibrating, begging to be eaten. so i ate whilst everybody else was talking. horrible experience. but i was v. hungry. i HATE eating in public on fat days. on thin days i can feel serene while eating a 2000kcal cake in front of GOD [guy of dreams]
  2. weight lifting. because i have stamina, people naturally expect me to be able to lift heavy weights / do pull-ups / whatevs shit it is other buff people do. i can't, ok? i'm soft and flabby, plus i can't lift anything heavier than 3kg. stop patronizing me, gym people.
  3. blogging / facebooking. people will think i'm procrastinating. which i am. which is bad because finals start tomorrow.

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got caught in the rain last night whilst walking to / from gym and to / from coles and to / from sofia. no more stupid decisions to walkabout in the freeze. it was so cold it hailed last night! an excuse to take a break from boring shit financial management. looks like bits of giant ais kacang.

k, have to go study publicly in pav now.

Tuesday, 9 June 2009

blowing off steam which would turn to ice

it's COLD. i think i have flu. battling it with sleep, h2o, kiwis, apples and spicy food.

finals in 2 days. omg omg!

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did my first service as campus ambassador with a Q&A panel with Fountain Gate high school this morning. was nervous but tried not to dwell on it. ended up speaking incoherently. hopefully nobody noticed. i'll get better. always do. i mean, i was only homesick for 1 measly day when i moved here.

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harry called me last night as i was studying with sue han and diane in pav. he was worried i might catch swine flu. i probably have it already. it's all over here!

before we started on the icky 'relationship' part, he managed to unintentionally remind me of the fact that my parents have not called to check if i'm still alive, as opposed to dead from swine flu. hmm is it normal? they did call tao when taiwan was rocked by earthquake, though they were draggy about it. whatevs, i don't care. send me money!

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gtg hit the bloody books again. i miss ah ma and fann!

Wednesday, 3 June 2009

that time of the month. again

ooh i hate PMS. And I've been breaking so many of my own rules lately I don't feel like adding another to the list and complaining about my blues [or more aptly, reds] in public. So vent here.

I was so down I left Audrey's dinner party early. Was actually bored and emo whilst sitting cross-legged on the floor where we had a 'kids table'. During CNY or formal dinners the kids always had a separate table and it was pretty fun to be 'kids' again. Not sure if this is a Malaysian or Chinese thing. Left Audrey's apartment early. Grr I hate being antisocial.

As I lay on my bed at night I was overwhelmed with totally random thoughts of 'does mum love me?' I mean, of course I'd heard a thousand times that all parents love their offspring but I lay tossing and turning for a long time, turning the question over and over again in my mind. This is what happens when people have too much time on their hands, dad would say.

At midnight I gave up and downloaded and watched Cruel Intentions. Quite a shallow and stupid movie.

Why do we need to have PMS?! WHY?!

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Whatevs, today is new. Jeez feeling a bit too cheery now wtf.