Thursday, 29 October 2009

flightless bird

my new mp3 addiction, just nanoseconds after hearting cry for you. spring fever is in the air. sonak and i went running and jumping and skipping at the football field behind home. felt so free, like a dream, though just finished one exam, three more coming.

australia is so beautiful.. i love the stars in the sky at night. i love seeing the moon during the day. i love the pink clouds. i love the bare stretches of green grass. i love how people greet each other with xo's.

today was muggy and hot. i felt like i was burning, exploding with energy. it was too warm to eat, but i was hungry. in constant state of breathlessness, not aided by my sudden urge to jump. on the bed, sofa, whilst chatting to diane.

shouldn't have borrowed new moon from the library. finished it in a day, the day before the exams. and had sudden desire to re-watch twilight, which i did just now. edward is gorgeous, but i prefer jake. have crossed over to the dark side to support team jacob.

the clincher was how warm he is-- admittedly a fictional werewolf trait. but i have this belief that you can tell how kind people are by holding their hands. warm hands = kind heart. it's fairly accurate but don't know what to make of kent who has warm palms but cold fingers.

Sunday, 25 October 2009

halfway around the world

gosh, dunno why but have been listening to a*teens' halfway around the world on loop for an hour. heart tamia's officially missing you , esp the cover by the beautiful js but halfway is just too cute and catchy.

had a good, good night at mubs ball last night. didn't stagger home regretting playing with somebody. audrey was uncomfortable with being in a situation where she knew limited people so she drank too much but had fun after she barfed and sobered up.

she was pleasantly surprised by how relaxed everybody is. none of the elaborate dressing of the international ball. and i was surprised at how she was surprised at the way the aussies just get up and dance.

i'd always lived according to my whims, which has earned me the label ''weird'' [malaysians] or its prettier cousin ''quirky'' [singaporeans]. so just goofing off on the dance floor is natural, as long as there are people on it with me. i like playing, not performing.

but it was a refreshing change for audrey, or so she says. i was glad for her. even though we were a bit lost when we first arrived, hardly knowing anybody. but i'm used to being in situations where i only know a handful of people. however, do it enough times and you'll realize you're gonna be ok, and even have fun =)

Thursday, 22 October 2009

they said..

in the banquet, when the crown prince inquired his naive fiancee, ''how did my father die?''

she replied, ''they said.. it was from a scorpion bite.''

''how can there be a scorpion in his living quarters?''

''they said.. the scorpion crawled in through an open window.''

''who are they?!''

''they?'' here the green girl looked momentarily confused. ''they are the people of the palace, of course.''

since then i'd always tried to track down the source of the rumors i care about. people always say ''they'', but who the hell are they?!


whenever i see celebrities complaining about rumors, i'll be thinking, quit whining, you selfish punk. you're making heaps of money. think of the starving children.

but when stuff like that happens to oneself, it actually hurts. it's ironic how i'm always going, ''there's no smoke without fire'', blah blah blah.. so when something crops up about self, can't really blame others for believing it.

thank goodness was brought up to be thick-skinned. and, in comparison with all the hungry kids in the world, am far better off. whenever something bad happens, will remind myself that none of this shit will matter in a year or two.

Tuesday, 20 October 2009


received email from dad today. by some odd twist of fate, will be going to msia for summer break if insurance doesn't cover teeth-- discovered a chip a few days ago.

surprised by the extent of delight at this news. spent 19 years of life hankering to go out into the big world out there and once out there, knackering to return to the nest [if only for a few days]. *sigh* grass is always greener on the other side.


will be going for free ben & jerry ice-cream at clayton campus with sue han later. have been hanging out with her almost daily since saturday night. studied together last night and enthralled peeps with my description of how animals perceive human beings. is v. interesting.. read about it in an ielts exercise.


argh just received a text from friend. having bit of a tiff with him. don't mean to sound snotty but truly do not know what to do with him!

how do you explain to somebody.. love is free.. you can't make somebody love you just because you love him enough.. it's not because one is inadequate, it's because fate has decided it's not your time to be celebrated by love yet.. but your time will come.. we must bersabar til then..

can't make him understand.. and feel v. sorry because i've been through all that shitty anguish and/or depression before. yet can't sacrifice schoolwork to play games with him. so of course, favorite strategy for dealing with undesirable situations-- ignore.

Monday, 19 October 2009

this charming man

ugh. bone tired lately. everybody's comments on me has been, ''wow, you look stressed.''

i just feel exhausted all the time.


finished reading this charming man. v. good, as good as anybody out there? anti domestic violence! sometimes i look at power couples and i feel a teeny bit envious [ok, had to self-edit, just in case]. but often, beneath the gleaming front, i often discover things are not always what they seem. and that is somehow very disappointing..


will be remaining here for another year. whenever i used to think of aussie, spunky surfers, golden beaches, icy cocktails etc. would pop into my mind. but as was traipsing around woolworths, mindlessly shoving random boxes of junk into my trolley, realized awful truth about self-- have yet to meet surfers here! spunky or otherwise. am not even picky now.

mm.. should go out more.

Thursday, 15 October 2009

the season again

s had craving for mackers last night and swore off guys between bites of filet-o-fish.

f called for the first time-- ok, maybe second-- since i flew here.. imagine the intensity of his 'issues of the heart' to talk to me for 114 minutes.

'tis the season of broken hearts again. just in time for un-spring weather-- cold, windy, rainy.

am single too so in no position to encourage them. i tried, ''erm, in the books i've read--''

''books are all fake!'' s screeched.

um, ok.

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

soul for sale-- what $5 + kfc can buy

as everybody who is even remotely close to me is aware, my korean boss gave me an additional $5 for my first official shift last saturday. with that, and a kfc twister, mashies and mountain dew, he bought my loyalty.

the restaurant is a small establishment, which reminds me of my parents' company. i can't speak korean but i understood the gist of their discussion as they prepared to pay me. boss asking lady boss to give me an extra fiver-- something so 'dad' about it all.. i was charmed.

dad is mia again!


every time i think about the too-buttery biscuits i baked for hd and my apartment, i feel itchy all over, and get this raging urge to chuck them. i don't understand why they're bugging me so!

Monday, 12 October 2009

a v. productive day

i went out yesterday because a. i feel like i deserve a break from study/work and b. i know i'll binge-eat at home if i don't. going to the city calms me and stimulates me at the same time. but i don't lepak-- heck, i don't even enjoy the ultimate girl-sport of window shopping.
i have plans.
1st stop: off to clayton to find a korean saloon to dye my hair back to black. you get what you pay for. the viets ruined my hair. there's a knot at the nape of my neck which has been tangled for.. a month at least.
no korean saloons! but spotted v. cheap mangoes-- $1.80 each. i'd evolved into a full-blown auntie since i began doing own groceries. diane and i bought one each, feeling v. pleased with our purchases.
then we crossed the street and saw mangoes going for $1.50 each. argh! why does this always happen to me?! couldn't believe it, decided sth must be off with the $1.50 mangoes. took my $1.80 mango from my bag and held it against the cheaper one.
aha! i knew it!
'' it's smaller,'' i informed diane confidently. '' that's why it's cheaper. we didn't get ripped off.''
'' ok,'' diane looked a bit dubious.
no use crying over split milk.
couldn't locate any korean saloon so decided to make way to carnegie to try luck. bought a couple boxes of hello panda for lunch. since i started work, mini purchases like these don't make me feel guilty anymore.
stop 2: carnegie
traipsed up and down the main street until finally saw koreana. it was open! i felt ashamed of my knotty, sticky hair. i hadn't shampooed this morning after gym as i'd read somewhere that one should refrain from shampooing before a dye job.
it costs $120 to dye and cut my hair. one week's wages at pacific! but with $10 change. ok.
didn't make small talk with stylist. busy reading marian keyes' this charming man. yes, it's chick-lit, but it's bestseller chick-lit with heart. am SO happy that hair didn't sting from all the chemicals like it did in lily's.
stylist took ages to untangle my hair. ooh how did i let myself go?!! *anguish*
.. finished! my hair is so black and shiny it looks blue, somehow. i look weird-- less sunshiny and more.. depressed. pale. male stylist says i can't have bangs. *sighs* must have sharp face to carry them off.
cardigan smelling a bit funky. what kind of a girl am i?! am dishonor to the female species.
stop 3: city
as usual, trotted to star book cafe and flicked through a new queen with a hot mug of oat milk tea. bliss.
all the girls in queen are seriously skinny. envious.
read this charming man-- it was so funny. kept smiling to self but tried to keep a check on it as afraid may appear mental to girls in next table. however, lol-ed at one part. just couldn't help it! quickly called kent so can pretend am lol-ing at sth funny he said.
ate dinner at eugene's. wow. it was his once-in-6-months cooking spree. i got lucky. sweet & sour pork. seaweed soup with home made meatballs. rice (eugene cooks the best rice-- a bit soggy, not too dry). and a dahl with potatoes, carrots and chicken by yuki.
shadow was super adorable. i ate kneeling in front of the coffee table, and he kept scrambling onto my lap. he's so cute and so fake-looking, like a soft toy. after dinner, watched an old hk drama.
left around 9.30pm. eugene asks, '' so early?!'' it's his standard reply whenever i take my leave. i could have been there for half the day, watching tv on his lovely big screen and he'd still give me ''so early?!'' when i said i should go.
diane baked bread pudding. told me i looked like a jap because the black brings out the white in my skin.
'' i look like i'm wearing a wig!'' i groaned.
'' haha, you think so too? i was thinking the same thing.''
went to sue han's apartment to let her see my new (or old) hair color.
'' you look japanese,'' she kept laughing. that's the new code for '' you look like you're wearing a wig'', i suppose.
lots of people couldn't recognize me sans brown hair. or with combed and blow-dried hair. i usually go everywhere with wet, uncombed hair.
then celebrated fujitsu's birthday.
2am. henn drik played mum (switching off my laptop, locking my door after putting my keys inside my room-- i usually lock my door but leave my key in the outside keyhole, etc.) after coming to see my hair.
a v. v. productive day.

Wednesday, 7 October 2009

why did i learn japanese instead of korean?

went for my first training at pacific last night.

what will it be like to work for koreans [as opposed to vietnamese]?

it's just.. different.

met unnie style [i think that's her name], who's married at 24!! gosh!

v. delighted with the food lift and order system.

currently obsessed with wearing gloves before i do dishes.

wished i'd did korean instead of jap last sem so i can understand what lady boss and unnie yakking about.

now it's back to assignments!

Tuesday, 6 October 2009

super tense

woke up feeling dead.

decided it must be the 2-day dirt clogging up my pores and blocking my aura so took a full shower, with hair treatment and body scrub-a-dub-dub.

before that, figured my hair must be weighing me down and gave self a clumsy diy trim. shit.

ate herbal soup and bickies for brunch but still feel exhausted. been practically existing on bickies lately. am going to hell.

couldn't absorb anything from text or tutor. had to be in same class as cute guy when looking like crap and super pale.

have to walk to work in freak windy weather in a couple of hours.

then have to walk back, just in time for assignment discussion.

i'm depressed. just want to roll over and die.


i'm sure things will get better. i'm practically rock bottom now.