Monday, 18 October 2010

stories about ahma-- my great-grandfather

ahma has been staying with us over the weekend. whenever she visits i eat 3 square meals a day instead of subsisting on cookies and assorted refined carbs + sugar.

she was telling me about her childhood. apparently sri gading is her original home, though she was forced to evacuate the village during the Japanese Occupation. she talked wistfully of her father, who was handsome and doting, even if he is stupid as well [she said it!].

ahma's father had a fine, straight, upturned nose.. and he sent his daughters to school! i had always been surprised to hear that ahma is kinda educated-- she had to quit because of the war. ahma's dad adored his children-- ahma's big brother, ahma, lao yi, ahma's little sister in singapore and ahma's baby brother. believing that cod liver oil was good for children, ahma's father bribed his offspring [and 2 adopted members of his family] with 1sen to consume a spoonful of the fishy stuff daily.

haha it was very bittersweet when ahma described how she and her siblings would line up to swallow the 'vile liquid' in exchange for the 1sen which can buy a Popsicle.

the men in ahma's family were downright unlucky during the war. the father's sundries shop was looted during the war, and he had the idea of burying all his money in a shallow hole beside a busy street. it was stolen and the family went broke. they had nothing.

worse, when the brits left us to fend for ourselves, they discarded their weapons anywhere and everywhere. malay bandits picked them up and began robbing left, right and center. one night when the family were hiding in a relative's home, robbers came and kicked at the door, demanding to be let in. failing which the thieves attempted to climb up to the attic and enter from there.

the relative doused the robbers with acid and blinded him. the bandits, mad with pain and fury, fired a couple of shots into the attic, and both bullets hit ahma's father-- one on the right side of his neck and the other near his hip. he died then and there.

poor ahma.. anyhoo typing this is making me feel a bit melancholy so click here to see cute ahma talking about more everyday stuff. [m having major fun with my new iphone 4! ;p]

Saturday, 16 October 2010

the boy with the e class

i have a high school friend A who is rich. and cute. and generous. his father owns a group of SBUs, all in steel manufacturing. i met him at yee's birthday dinner last night. because i was the only girl at the after-dinner scouts' drinks session, the brothers kept egging me to 'up' him [literal chinese translation].

the evil sohfong kept hissing, 'realistic!' as A and i hunched over his iPad, looking for my ancestral village to see if we come from the same place.

i know i can be quite vocal about my desire to continue my current lifestyle.. forever. my mum loves scaring me with the story of this wealthy girl who married into poverty and couldn't adapt. and my maternal aunts and uncle support her with 'you don't know how difficult it is to be poor' paired with this intense expression on their faces.

but recently i have also seen some of my bloody rich friends lose all their money. to go from being chauffeured around in a jag to being forced to drop out of uni is harsh. and i thought, what if the wives married for money?! now they're broke with 3 kids to support! 

thus i'll never marry just for money. and i'll never get together with a guy who has the same surname! it's like getting it on with my brother!

Sunday, 10 October 2010

lucky she married my dad

on Friday mum went to Isetan bright and early because she wanted to take advantage of the 20th anniversary sales. she bought 4 bottles of choya, endless packets of decadent keebler's chocolate cookies, 4 boxes of strawberries, 4 boxes of green tea [nobody in my family drinks tea and we have a drawer filled with tea bags and there are loose-leaf teas in our freezers and fridges], 2 boxes of grapes, 2 cartons of Japanese plain crackers, a packet of Korean seaweed, endless packets of oats, 3 bottles of organic grape juice, a box of nigiri sushi and 2 cartons of asahi dry.

Friday evening she enlisted the help of Fann and i so we can aid her in her battle with all the other crazy shoppers to grab as many boxes of mushrooms / ginseng tea / olive oil as possible the next day.

Saturday

on Saturday mum led Fann, Sokchea the maid and i to Isetan bright and early because she was gonna buy all those stuff she didn't need that she didn't manage to buy on Friday. however halfway there she remembered her road tax had expired so we turned back home to swap cars. when we finally reached Isetan all the stuff she didn't need had been sold out so she was annoyed and went around complaining to all the other shoppers until a lady pointed out a deserted box of ginseng tea at the cashier.

once she placed the first box in the empty trolley just begging to be filled with useless crap, she was on a roll. all the nonsense that has never appeared on her shopping list and will never appear went into the trolley-- more packets of cookies [and she asks why i'm fat?!], packets of wafers and packets of seaweed. after swiping her card she took out a handful of cash vouchers, rm 120 in total [meaning she spent rm1 200 on Friday] with almost malicious glee and said, 'oops, i forgot i had these in my bag! we must buy more to use them up!'

so we bought 2 big boxes of chocolate Hello Pandas, 6 boxes of sushi, more seaweed, tins of instant food, Japanese sweets, imported crackers and a packet of ridiculously overpriced Cadbury Rich Tea biscuits [rm16]. i feel dizzy just typing this.

and then we lined up to buy 6 strawberry swiss rolls from sun moulin.

when she saw a lady with 6 boxes of tea she attempted to cheat the lady into giving up some of the tea by claiming there's a maximum for each customer, so why don't she give some of the tea to mum?

Sunday

sunday is the day of rest, but no! mum woke Fann and i even earlier today so we can go to Isetan bright and early to buy all those crap that we naively thought would never take up residence at home. this time she succeeded and Fann and i failed. we were 3rd in line outside the closed doors of Isetan food market, mum kept fidgeting and changing her mind about her Strategy to Waste Dad's Hard Earned Money.

'ok, we'll all go to the mushroom counter first.. no, Fann, u go grab as many boxes of tea as possible, at least 40-'

'no.'

'i need tea!'

'but nobody in our family drinks tea!' i interjected.

'well, i need to give them to your aunts!'

'do we have 40 aunts?'

'well, no, but i can also give them to my friends!'

'what about all those tea we have at home and those u bought on Friday?!'

'but it's so cheap!' she was working herself up into a near-frenzy now.

'we don't need it.'

'it's my money!'

'is it? i'm gonna call dad and tell him.'

'no! alright, just take 30, but u'll regret this.. anyway, Sokchea, u go take the oil; min, u follow me.. grab baskets! Fann and Sokchea, u 2 take trolleys!'

she sprinted into the supermarket the nanosecond we were given the go-ahead. oh sweet Lord! save me from this madness!

we spent rm1k on mushrooms [she doesn't cook], olive oil [ditto], 40 boxes of tea [everytime i think about it my heart spasms] and some ramen.

people kept asking her, 'is the tea good?' when they see our trolley stacked with boxes of tea and then kept raising their brows as mum sheepishly admitted that she hasn't tried it. i take this as my cue to smile and recite, 'Kunyang is a good Korean brand, why don't u try one?' and offering the shoppers a box.

;;;;;

then we continued to klcc where she bought clothes which she'll fit into after she loses weight.

'it's ok even if i don't, because these pants only costs rm35 each,' she says happily. she bought 4. and 2 cheesecakes, which i don't mind because i adore cheesecake.

she's so lucky she married dad who can indulge her crazy shopaholicism. when we arrived home and began unloading the car she attempted to block all the boxes of tea by standing in front of dad and engaging him in conversation but Fann and i ['traitors!' she hissed] marched up to dad and flashed him the gold boxes.

lucky dad exercises regularly and has a strong heart. she even had the nerve to exclaim gaily, 'i saved rm100 on each box of mushrooms i bought today! that's rm400 in total, kinda like making money! and u don't even have to work as hard!' warped

Thursday, 7 October 2010

nemo


this is fish, who just returned from an enviable backpacking trip across europe, korea and taiwan. not sure if he went to japan and don't wanna know because i just might make sashimi out of him in a jealous fit.

yang'd bet that i would post about fish. i hate it when yang is right but i couldn't help myself. of all my friends fish is the most adventurous. when he wanted to backpack across europe, he did it. alone.

i hate travelling alone because there's no one to watch your bags when you go to the toilet. no one to take photos of you. no one to share food with.

but when fish got lonely he just went online and searched for a travel partner. when he told me i went, weren't you worried that she might be a kidnapper blablabla?! 


he says it's tougher for girls as we might get raped whilst guys just get robbed. anyway he had a wonderful time and a lot of First-times. quite smug about it too.

fish: have you seen a nude man before?
me: does your nude photos count?
fish: *regretting his attempt at being a smart ass* no.. a real one.

my bros r so funny.

Tuesday, 5 October 2010

lol

fann's stylist is nicky and he's one of the most siao people i'd ever met. when he thinks he has to laugh at something clients say, he says, 'lol'. like 'loll'. haha funny til die!

;;;;;

last night we had a cousin bbq for us to catch up.

cousin ash: hubby, my mother has been to hk, korea, blablabla but i'd never been to any of those places. when r u bringing me?

cousin-in-law leon: your mother also gave birth to twins.

cousin ash: i'm trying lah!

i found it hilarious.

Saturday, 2 October 2010

hiao

i have a group of clubbing kaki [actually i m their kaki lah] whom i super like to go clubbing with.

it used to be because the guys pay for the booze.

then i had to start paying up [the guys got smart and realized we girls love clubbing more than them thus are willing to pay] but i still like the group best.

why why why?

well the guys in the group are pretty cute. and TALL! very important!

last night i went to zouk and i realized that my friends are cute too but none above 178cm!! which is how tall a guy has to be before he attempts to get fresh with me. easier to dance with taller guys also [because i m a tall girl haha]

so to my below-178cm guy buddies looking for action.. got milk?

;;;;;

wow when did i become so perasan and mean?

but dad wasn't impressed by me breezing in at 4.30am. he claimed i stumbled in and threw up. wtf?!

i know my alcohol tolerance is non existent and all males in their 20s are horny shit so i usually only take 2 drinks per night out, which s the recommended maximum set by the au health department.

not an idiot ok blablabla

Friday, 1 October 2010

double standards

diu. early morning wake up fought with mum. really she's so effing ridiculous sometimes.

the neighbor's daughter flunked a unit at uni. whenever me and fann failed a subject in high school, she'd scream, 'r u IDIOTS? that's the minimum requirement! you're not up to par!!'

this time she mused, 'wow it must be a really good uni with high standards.'

what. the. fuck?!


today she said, 'look at isabella [hk actress]. she's 21 this year and a mum of 3. it takes a lot of maturity to be a mother, u know.'

fuck you. what happened to all the 'stay clean, love yourself' crap she fed me before i left for au, the land of delicious golden boys?

it's bad enough that my friends find it funny i'm still a virgin. now my mum, too? fuck you all.