Sunday, 27 March 2011

what the hell

打电话给朋友哭诉 citibank 的 mistake 时,我说,‘现在心疼得像分手。’

朋友安慰说,‘时间会冲淡一切,难不成你还在后悔当时与喜欢的人提分手吧。’

令我不安的是,若时间倒流,我不会任性把喜欢的人逼到边境。

所以更难过,害怕我一生会后悔没接下去大公司上班的机会。

大家都说,你还年轻,以后还可以申请去 citibank 上班。

我是傻瓜吗? 这道理我当然明白。

但我本来没打算去银行上班,这误打误撞让我接到这机会,可以终於与大学朋友们同一级,一起在国际公司做白领上班族。。对我来说非常难得。

其实毕业后,我也没打算去银行征工。。说不定这生就缺少这经验了。就是这点令我哭了整整3 天。一想到就心酸。上班收到 citibank 的 email 说由於我只能工作 3 月而不请我时,马上躲在厕所偷哭,真的很煎熬。

心情不好时。。我很难得地找了几位朋友哭诉。但老实说,凡事只能哭诉一次,否则别人会觉得反感 (是我也会)。我做人的原则是往前看,所以也讨厌别人为了一件事哭哭啼啼一万年。有时间哭哭啼啼,不如想办法 make the best of the situation。

我也想不哭,但有时控制不了啦 (就像我每次看到美食就忍不住扑过去! 猪头啊!)。而且我面对痛苦的方法就是将自己埋没在那种难过,一直回味那种苦涩的滋味。这有 两 个作用--

一来一直想一件事,可以令那件事成为自己的一部分。一直反复在脑海 replay 一件事,可以让它不给你 surprise。这比如敌人-- 每天见面的讨人厌的人,我们都能以平常心面对;但若只是偶然见到的敌人,我们会慌张而不知所措。所以近几天都在思考,我在哪里失足了,以后该怎么办。

二来是,必须让自己很真实地感受这种不好受的滋味,下次才不会重犯错误。

;;;;;

在慢慢 trying to make sense of everything 的同时,也听很多音乐、看书,、写日记发泄发泄。

凡事发生必有原因~

放些开心的相片啦啦啦

the cream & fudge factory

上次与 pretty 在 88 看到这间冰淇淋店,她超兴奋的! concept 有点像澳洲的 cold rock (再几个月就可以再吃 cold rock 了! high!),也是自己选冰淇淋口味与配料,再由服务员替我们拌在一起,冰淇淋界的 bibimpap 吧。哈哈现在韩风吹啊~

我很懒惰挑,便选店配好的 strawberry cheesecake。味道普通啦,不会好吃到令我想死或什么的。

;;;;;

好了,要睡了,不然 7 天工作的我会生病吧 xdd

Friday, 25 March 2011

STUPIDITY

seriously the last time i felt so wretched was when the love of my life broke my heart.

i couldn't eat and spent all my waking hours crying towards dehydration.

now my heart is physically aching as i ask myself why why why WHY why on earth did i email citibank to inform them i was gonna leave for sydney in july?

i was gonna experience real corporate life for 4 months then never work in a bank again but somehow i took mum's advice (and my manager's promise of a raise) and informed citibank of the term of my employment.

i hate myself! i wish i could just drop dead this nanosecond. i am the epitome of stupidity and idiocy.

getting exhausted from all the crying but can't seem to stop :( 

Tuesday, 22 March 2011

头发未干

工作很辛苦啊

今天经理问我,‘是不是开始有压力了?’

哈哈,是会少许紧张,因为工作永远做不完。

而且电脑系统还未准备好,会有许多不便之处。

但我抱着 ‘太辛苦就换工作’ 的心态工作,因为我不喜欢压力。

今天早上 7 点半与一万个女人挤火车。。真的感觉到自己是上班族了! 感恩我去年在北京搭捷运时的锻炼,现在无论车厢再怎么满,我都有办法挤上去!! (我是女强人啊~)

今天早上 9 点开始。。一直忙到晚上 7 点。

给自己设了一些规则-- 每天只要当天必须完成的工作与 email 内吩咐的文件准备好后,便可以放工。不一定要将所有工作当天完成。。这样才不会累垮,但还是可以应付工作的节奏。

中午与同事到酒店的餐馆吃自助午餐 :) 我接这份工后肥如猪啊!! 加上嘴巴最近超痒的,一直想吃巧克力!! 我是猪头噢。。拜三中午又与 l'oreal 吃 business lunch,再酱下去,我真的不敢想象我下个月的样子!!

又吃啊。。

这是上礼拜我去 cititel 投靠三姑拍的。

我请她在最爱的顶泰奉吃晚饭。因为小时答应过她 :) 2 个人吃 4 道菜!! 天啊我怀孕吗?!

住 cititel 超爽的。每天可睡到 7.15am。。吃自助早餐 (还不知死活!)。。再悠闲地漫步去上班。。我明天又去投靠三姑 2 天了! 

Sunday, 20 March 2011

current, future

just had a lazy sunday-- woke at 7.30am from the sunlight filtering in through the drawn curtains.

was too excited to sleep last night and ended up watching a bit of queen and princess hours until 2am.. by then i was too sleepy to be bothered to close the curtains.

and the reason for my insomnia is...

i received my full offer from university of sydney, which is only, like my dream university!!

being label-obsessed, a university with history and impressive ranking like sydney university is a life goal! plus the location and weather is much, much favorable than melbourne!

discussed it with parents this morning and dad has given me the go-ahead to accept the offer but i've decided to wait until mid-april as dad's health isn't as good as it should be and the australian dollar is way too strong now. (can almost hear aunt penny going, 'there she goes again, worrying about money!')

if i can manage, i hope to be able to earn my own living expenses. haha i never wanted to before.. guess i am aging. after finishing uni i haven't asked my parents for money. it would be shameful to do so, seeing as i'm rent-free at the moment. a lot of people still thinks i get an allowance or easy loans from my parents.. i wish!

i don't have enough money to build a corporate wardrobe, and everybody thinks i can just waltz up to my parents and ask for help.. i suppose i could, but it wouldn't be right. 

sometimes when i help dad run errands such as buying a $3 snack with a $50 bill, i'll say, '$47 tip!' and he'll be like, 'sure, take it! do you have enough money?' which makes me feel guilty and childish.

anyway i was gonna go have some fun abroad but now my mentality is different. i don't want to waste all my parents' money then come back, stay at home and slave at a $1 500/month job. my life should be better! so should my parents'! maybe one day i'll be making enough to bring dad to the peninsula hotel without him fretting about my finances :)

here's to a better future!

my current work desk

am getting fat from the snacking i do to stay awake while doing boring paperwork!

my failed outfit

being zany/quirky/weird/just plain crazy/bold-because-my-parents-will-offer-me-a-job, i wore my new havaianas at work 24/7 on the first day. it's not like i'm doing anything more glamorous than filing shit and answering phones.

managers weren't impressed. apparently my pants were too shiny and my heels too trendy as well. i have promised to buy conservative clothes, the most boring pair of black heeled pumps i can find, smother my face in makeup, change my earrings etc. :( how am i supposed to overhaul my wardrobe for rm 1 500/month?!

Sunday, 13 March 2011

slip

confession-- all i can think about nowadays is my lack of career.
next tue i'll be starting at boulevard hotel as sales coordinator.
take one day at a time.

life has been ok, fun even, but i feel uneasy without a real job.

whit & pret at mdm kwan's, pavilion 

pretty visited me on a weekend break.
she was having some men issues and whit wanted to shop so they just hopped on a plane and came.
what can i say.. when it's people you care about that are doing things which go against your moral values..
i'm glad i've been crazy about another person before, that makes it easier to relate to other people, from the angry classmate who tore my textbooks.. to my girlfriend who is still unable to draw a line between the ex.. or the other one who is holding on to the boyfriend who has outgrown her..
maybe at this stage in life everything will be a bit topsy-turvy.

i hate mdm kwan's but i didn't know where else to bring them so ~!@#$%^&*!!!
mdm kwan was celebrating her birthday there but she didn't think of sharing her humongous cake with her customers. freaking kiam siap!!
what i beh tahan most in the world is kiam siap ness, especially in guys!!

assam laksa, mdm kwan's pavilion

sigh. fucking earthquake rocking home.
am afraid ahma will have a nervous breakdown. or fann. or me.

what can i say.. my mother and the chinese majority believes that the act of giving birth itself enshrines the mother, so that she must forever be respected, even if she dumps the baby in a dumpster.

i say (in starbucks speak) 'fuck you' to that.
you are what you act like.

i'm not saying my mum is bad, although i can confirm she's not model mum.
yes, you may think i'm an ungrateful bitch (yes, i'm going to hk again against my wishes) but if i can give up my lv for more peace and quiet i'll gladly do so.
heck, i'll even sacrifice my most beloved possession-- my chanel purse.
i'll give anybody both. maybe throw in my virginity too. if you can stop this torture.

very heartbreaking to see fann clutching his head in helpless anguish.
reminded me of last week when i was collapsed on the floor around midnight after a bout of violent vomiting from food poisoning.
mum was standing over me and ranting about the state of my room, which was admittedly a hell hole as i got home late and had unpacked my shopping to admire one last time before i went to bed.
so i can understand how he felt.
that's our autopilot pose when mum-rants come.
usually with head on knees.
my colleagues found the kena-fucked-by-mum-while-puking shit very amusing =.=
tiada kasih sayang pun

well am an adult now.
after a fine whine.. i chose to stay home still because i'm broke.
maybe one day i'll be gutsy enough to live on my own money.
for now my prayers are no longer with japan. praying for my bro.

Tuesday, 8 March 2011

jay

cream of corn, iced lemon tea, menu

last friday i had a good day.

it started with having a day off because i needed to go to subang to attend an education fair.

i spent the morning chilling at starbucks before lunch at the-place-only-i-love-- full house!

i had the mushroom & ham cream pasta set, which i ended up barely touching because i had a wee bit of gastric.


it tasted sweet, somehow, like the chefs put rock sugar in the sauce or something.

still, full house's vibe and service on off-peak hours more than make up for it.

the waitress even inquired if there was anything wrong with the food when i called for the bill (because the food was virtually all still there).

rm50 for 2

after applying to 2 universities i dropped by Aldo and saw that they were having Buy-1-Free-1 specials on their sunnies.

i selected a pair of rm90 aviators and was torn between choosing another rm90 sunnies as my free pair or picking the above sunglasses, which i loved.

so stupid lah their system! in hk they just add the prices up then divide by 2. the rm90s are all styles i'd worn before so i picked this rm50 one.

i am number six

my obsession with aviators stemmed from watching the incredibly cool Number Six from I Am Number Four.

honestly the love interest is way too breathy for me. when you hear her speak, you just wanna slap her sharp and ask her to just roll over and die. everybody was nuts about Number Six and nobody can tahan the weird lover!!

i liked I Am Number Four despite its lack of fantastic-ness because
1. the bad guys are really scary to me
2. the good guys kept winning at the end. i like :)
3. the buff lead sort of grows on you
4. the last movie i watched was the green hornet 
5. Number Six!!!

this is not just any bazaar.. 

this is the bazaar outside Jay's The Era concert stadium!!
i'd been to a few concerts but this is definitely the most large-scale, it's practically like a mini night market!!
there were stalls selling everything from memorabilia to credit cards..

i was whining to fann about how deeply i hated everybody who got tickets to see this concert in the car on the way home from subang when Yen called, saying she just got her hands on 4 tickets and had a spare one.
WOOHOO!!!

it costed rm233 = half of last month's salary = my bank account has been emptied but it was worth every cent!!

the my.fm cars were there and we dropped by to grab some freebies before the concert began. food and drinks aren't allowed within the arena, so i had to chuck some away :(

i was surprised by how punctual it was, plus jay opened his own concert instead of having guests do it for him.

view from rm233 seats

the concerts were sold-out, even the bloody rm700+ VIP ones where fans got to shake Jay's hand!!
my friend from HK says the most expensive tickets in HK only costs HK$800 = rm400!!

this man is a serious gold-sucker!!

i used to be crazy about him in form 2-- i bought posters, original CDs, pirated waller-sized laminated photos to keep in my purse and talked about him constantly.

then he had to up and become wildly successful and subsequently evolved into a womanizer.
i wasn't a huge fan of his newest album and i didn't even bother watching his (now-axed) variety show.

but his meteoric rise-- from office boy to the becoming the King of Pop in Asia, working for himself and indulging in assorted sports cars-- has always fascinated me.

his concert style boasts various themed outfit changes and backup dancers, usually with a heavy hand of glitter thrown in. the entire show was humorous and can only be described as 琳琅满目, maximum love!

what else can you expect from a 33-year-old who sings 'if u wanna drink milk/ i'm too busy to milk the cow/ so you can go milk the cow yourself/ but don't really go milk the cow'. Yen and i just stared at each other and burst into laughter.

 .. but when a video with personal messages from Jay was displayed with select bits of his previous work spanning from the past decade, my friends (both male and female) teared up. and Lee Yee didn't cry because she couldn't read chinese. i didn't cry because i'm cool like that but i had goosebumps all through the concert.

lara in Snake Dance

Lara was one of his guest performer, along with some other people under his label-- Cindy and Wave Brothers.

actually Cindy sings better than Jay but he still remains the coolest. the various 3d effects were fabulous!

especially awesome when he requested the security not to block his fans so they could crowd around the stage haha. his style tends to be very smug and self-satisfied but he's so talented he gets away with murder.

hawaii chicken, sakae

after a couple of encores, we dragged our feet out of the stadium and to sakae for supper.

as you can detect from my choice of food, i totally threw caution to the wind and tucked into a Hawaii Chicken chop happily, still buzzing from Jay's performance. it was yummy (or maybe i was just high).

summary of a great day!

if only every day were as amazing!

Saturday, 5 March 2011

photo post

elizabeth arden green tea

when i was at monash i got to know a gorgeous japanese girl *girl crush!!*
she was beautiful in a sino-filipino way and had an amazing figure and to-die-for hair.
plus she always smells very fresh.
so when she told me her fave scent is elizabeth green tea, and i saw a set on sale at lcct, i bought it without hesitation.

now it's the second bottle of perfume i'd sucked dry.
the first being nina ricci's nina.

m.a.c. wonder woman collection road show, mid valley

the camera settings weren't suitable but the actual set was spectacular.
i love the packaging but i don't need any new makeup so i didn't buy anything.

shahid & i after my interview at boulevard hotel

can i say.. all the baristas are huge flirts!!
when they first start working they are all sweet and quiet..

-AFTER ONE MONTH-

this male barista is even hitting on our male supervisor!!!

严重的男女通杀 barista amin!!

but honestly i think shahid poisoned the shy young things!!

had a couple of successful interviews finally :)
won't talk about it until 100% confirmed because i'm superstitious and i don't wanna jinx it!

Friday, 4 March 2011

coffee bean

red velvet cake, vanilla cream, double hot chocolate

after brunch with s, i drove home where jia wen was already waiting to whisk me off to high school.

been craving for the chee cheong fun outside high school lately.. but it was closed as it was a school holiday :(

reminisced about high school days when jia wen and i would walk to the chee cheong fun stall after school. i was a messy eater and would somehow always spraying gravy all over jia wen's pinafore-- poor girl haha. she really is a good and generous person!! plus she looks like a vampire-- tall and skinny and bloodlessly pale like paper. dark dead straight hair and black brows and onyx eyes fringed with lush black lashes. very snow-white-meets-bella. *girl crush alert*

;;;;;

after checking out the new meat heh heh i really like them young and fresh, i ko-ed in the classroom. been falling asleep in public a lot recently!

slept until 5pm, when we decided to have dinner at korean village.

jia wen has a lot more time for us now that her bf has left for australia. i feel sorry for her-- ldr's are never easy-- but i'm also pleased she has time to play with us. part of growing up i suppose, focusing more on serious relationships and less on old buddies.

after a yummy korean bbq dinner with spicy kimchi soup, we continued to coffee bean. i don't know how i did it but i ate some more red velvet cake. my colleague wen qi was shocked by how much i eat. =.=

when yunn asked me to describe red velvet.. i was at a loss for words. to me it tastes like vanilla. how does one articulate red velvet flavor anyway?

i didn't like the taste of the adorable red topping or the sugared ginger.. but the cake was yummy and the hot chocolate utterly delicious! am being a total starbucks traitor but it was that fantastic.

ps. i heard that hot lids (to cover hot to-go beverages) are very poisonous, so try to avoid using them neh!

Thursday, 3 March 2011

food & friendship

friend from hk is flying in in a few days and my mum is appalled by my aversion to girlie sleepovers.

i don't do much pillow talk, usually i'm out before my head even touches the pillow.

plus i'm uncomfortable with revealing stuff about myself (guess who trained me up that way?)

so i ended up trembling in the meeting room today and scrolling through my contacts to find a person to text.. so pitiful eww


still i love going out and meeting people :)

last saturday, after the drinking session which ended at 5am.. i was awakened at 8am by a haunting singing so freaking loud i lost all intention to continue sleeping. the ridiculously hard bed helped too-- felt as though i was a girl scout again and forced to sleep on desks.

met s, my ex house mate, for brunch at bangsar. i know some people say bangsar has lost some of it's exclusivity and upper-crust-ness but i still love the artistic feel of everything there.

we ate overpriced non-delicious food at a random, beautiful cafe with plush armchairs. i felt like i should say something k-dramatic like, 'stay away from him!' because female face-downs in k-dramas always seem to occur at these lovely cafes. i dissipated the magic by actually eating my food-- nobody eats during these confrontations!

s is really skinny, it's not even funny.

there were a few moments of silence.. after 2 months at starbucks i still get tongue tied! ish!