Tuesday, 13 May 2014

The Power of Negative Thinking

When the going gets tough and telling yourself there will be a better day, even for you, doesn't quite cut it anymore, go the other extreme and ask yourself questions like, ' Will it be more painful to hurl self in front of incoming train, or will it be more painful to grit teeth and try again.. and again.. and fucking again until the fucking end of fucking infinity?'

So far throwing self in front of a moving train is still less appealing than living through quiet desperation.

But it would be nice if somebody up there can cut me some slack, pretty please. It would be nice not to feel like I'm on the brink of a panic attack every waking second, and some sleeping ones too. Would be nice to be able to call my family. Would be nice to tear less often, and only for silly reasons like movies.  Would be nice to hang out with friends freely.

Will just think about tomorrow. Not day after. I just have to survive tomorrow. Yeah if I think beyond 11.59pm tomorrow I may run screaming into the train tracks muahaha. I will think about Thursday tomorrow. I like Thursdays. It's Movie Day. And on Thursday I will think about Friday. That's not too bad.

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