Wednesday, 14 May 2014

unconditional

Dad just called me for a record 11.18minutes.

Asked me to take a holiday. Go home for awhile. See the family while I have time.
A change of scenery will be good, but I'm too ashamed to see anybody.

Whispered, 'Do you still have money?'
Yeah, I'm still working. It's my pride that has taken the biggest hit.

Told me not to lose confidence.
Too late, but I'll try.

'There's nothing to worry about.'

'This will all turn out for the best.'
I'm not sure how me being unable to land a proper job after doing postgraduate studies can be part of turning out for the best, but he must have really wanted to cheer me up.

'You don't have to stay in Australia.. '
Very seriously thinking about this part..

When I told him I failed my Assessment Centre I could hear his disappointment, but he quickly covered it and said it was OK. Never mind. It's really competitive, he understands. 'More competitive than China!'
Even China is coming out! Of course it wasn't okay. And nothing is ever as cutthroat as China. I killed 3,589 other candidates to get to the final round, and I couldn't even kill the last 11?
After he hung up I couldn't help bawling.

Because I don't know how he can still be so nice to me. He had already put me through graduate school and given me seed money when I returned to Sydney to find work. And what do I have to show for his investment? A big, fat (literally) nothing.

Are all parents so patient with their children? I don't think anybody has ever been so good to me, and probably nobody can ever be so good to me in the future. How can he stay so supportive? Even I am repulsed by my lack of ability and lack of progress in life. Even I hate myself. But a 60-year-old father is telling his 25-year-old daughter who had a very privileged life that everything is gonna be okay?! What is the world coming to?!

I really, really hope I can show dad some filial piety in this lifetime.

3 comments:

Living Serenely said...

Yes, that is indeed unconditional love. No matter what, deep down, I believe our parents always try to hope for the best in us and pray for our happiness. Hoping along with that your situation takes an upward turn.

Penny152 said...

Min, I have every confidence you WILL land a job. You have a very likeable personality and lots of gumption and lots guts. Just be patient and try part time jobs that come along. Every job is a learning experience. Yes. I also like your dad a lot. We were best of buddies in our young days. He is a very kind man deep down.

Penny152 said...

Oh yes, next time, before you go for your job interview, call your cousins. maybe they can do a stimulation interview!!