Monday, 28 July 2014

Ze Mood Graf

+: happy
0: neutral disposition
-3: try to engage in things which bring mood level up UP
-5: nervous breakdowns in private
-10: nervous breakdowns in public

The past year has been a bit taxing for me but the last month has been one of the worst periods of my life, ever. Everyday things like getting out of bed and socializing required mountainous effort. And sometimes the foggy darkness is interspersed with periods of pure elation which felt even more unnatural and worrisome because you never knew when the lethargy will return. It felt like my emotions were not my own.

Luckily I have friends - Cat who came to get me from the doctor's when I was a bit of a mess. And of course K who tries to talk to me even when I am in one of those states where I feel unable to connect to any other human beings.

Last night K 'got me back' by organizing a surprise birthday party at El Loco for me. The most amazing thing was that she even got Cat to join! (They're not from the same social circles.)

25 is still a bit scary for me - people keep asking me what I wanna do and I still have no clue, despite thinking and over-thinking since I was 17.

.. And I just saw more photos from last night and they are not pretty. Ugh what felt very funny last night just scares me in the light of day. Let me go do some damage control then 面壁思过

Tuesday, 15 July 2014


Unwell recently. I kinda know what I have to do to get better, but I just don't feel quite up for it yet. But I'm sure hoping I feel ready soon.

Let me continue saying 'yes' to every social invitation for now. Although all I want to do is snuggle in bed with electric blanket and heater on full blast.

Last Saturday I planned Kawei's birthday surprise, and somebody referred to me as 'Nazi' because I've been pretty short-tempered recently. Still it was super fun when she switched on the lights in her apartment and everybody shouted 'Surprise!' I love surprises.

Sunday, 13 July 2014

a Japanese restaurant

相当难吃。但莫名觉得 interior 有点美。Westfield

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

caffeine monsters

Caffeine is a drug! I blame last night's nightmare on 2 cups of coffee and a milk tea at night - I usually limit myself to a morning coffee and lunchtime tea, no caffeine at night.

I have been reading Murakami's 1Q84 for the past month, and last night I finally read the story within the story Air Chrysalis. The Little People crawled out of a dead goat's mouth and made air chrysalises. In the chrysalis there would be the essence of you, or it could be your deepest fear.

The thought of my deepest fear taking form and substance is almost too much, although I kept telling myself that I am an educated 25-year-old who shouldn't be afraid of monsters. But sometimes the night is so dark that it overwhelms my logic. (The last time I lost my sanity was after watching Stephen Chows' Journey to the West last year.)

I spent the night climbing in and out of bed to switch the light on/off. In the end I held Boomer, facing out, and hoped that he can work his teddy magic on the Little People and/or any evil spirits should they come.

Only reading Elle and watching Disney's Beauty and the Beast again as entertainment today - I haven't watched it since I was in primary school, and it's a joy to rediscover. There's a lot of nuances which my kindergarten self couldn't grasp.

Good night, sleep tight.

Tuesday, 8 July 2014

the other parts of June

The secret to iPhone selfies for a group is using the timer function in Camera360 (app) while using the front camera.
Our colorful friend visited us during lunch
Easter Egg Nest Cake

Recently obsessed with Disney. I love this song from Pocahontas, though the video is a bit mushy.

Girl topics covered which I couldn't contribute to: how to live harmoniously with boyfriend, splitting bills with boyfriend (I favor 2:1), does your boyfriend text other chicks regularly? Splitting household chores with boyfriend, how to tell manager you're overworked.

Girl topics covered which I contributed to: this guy keeps asking me out but never makes a move, ABCs are more conservative than real Asians?

Weight gained: 3kg

Sad moment: when my guy friend asked me, 'Do you always have such low self-confidence?' and I realized I have changed beyond recognition.

Funny moment: nighttime, sitting in my friend's car in semi-darkness. Before I got down from the car I said, 'I actually have no hair' and pretended to pull my scalp off from my forehead. He literally shrank from me. Nearly died laughing. I'm hilarious, really.

Embarrassing moment: thinking cute guy who walked into a room was motioning at me when he was motioning to the guy beside me *covers face* He must be wondering why that random chick across the room was making hand gestures at him.

Reading: 1Q84 by Murakami (of course!). Have been at it for more than a month now, it's so thick!

Best movie seen in cinema: Maleficent (The other movie I watched was 22 Jump Street)

Best movie seen in bed: Jerry Maguire (I also liked Almost Famous.)

Favorite activity: Hibernate

June 2014, summarized.

Monday, 7 July 2014

Nō and kyōgen in Japan

There's something creepy yet endlessly fascinating about masks. And I also love the kimono racks - sort of like a suit rack to hang/present the clothes.

Whenever I see terms like 'first exhibit outside Japan/Afghanistan/[insert country name]' I just run to the exhibition.

Feeling very much like eating Japanese food lately, might be from all the Murakami/exhibition/ Lost in Translation.

Friday, 4 July 2014

Royal Botanic Gardens

Sometimes the blueness of Australian skies amaze me still..

I have no idea why being around Mother Nature makes things better, but it does, kind of. (I read Murakami for a similar effect at home.)

Wednesday, 2 July 2014


I'm not sure if I feel sorry for her, or if I envy her. Yes, she is a mistress who has to have a baby illegally in the USA alone, and the man doesn't pay her much attention. But she also has an unlimited credit card, awesome looks and so many luxury bags! Plus she's a great cook!

But I started asking my Chinese friends about the effect of the one-child policy on mistresses in China, and apparently it's one way to get the man to divorce his wife and marry the mistress, otherwise the baby will have to be aborted, because a baby without officially married parents is not recognized by the state, and the mother will be unable to obtain a Baby Permit for medical checkups at public hospitals. One way to get around this is by going to a private hospital, if you have the money, but afterwards it will be a tough, tough life for the baby - from getting an ID, to going to school.. everything is going to cost a lot. (This method is also useful for nudging Chinese boyfriends down the aisle.)

I never knew having a baby could be quite so complicated. A Baby Permit! Very eye-opening.

Tuesday, 1 July 2014

Mushu, Surry Hills