0: neutral disposition
-3: try to engage in things which bring mood level up UP
-5: nervous breakdowns in private
-10: nervous breakdowns in public
Luckily I have friends - Cat who came to get me from the doctor's when I was a bit of a mess. And of course K who tries to talk to me even when I am in one of those states where I feel unable to connect to any other human beings.
Last night K 'got me back' by organizing a surprise birthday party at El Loco for me. The most amazing thing was that she even got Cat to join! (They're not from the same social circles.)
25 is still a bit scary for me - people keep asking me what I wanna do and I still have no clue, despite thinking and over-thinking since I was 17.
.. And I just saw more photos from last night and they are not pretty. Ugh what felt very funny last night just scares me in the light of day. Let me go do some damage control then 面壁思过