Depression is an ongoing battle? No, happiness is the ongoing battle.
At any rate, I don't really explain what I mean when I talk about death, but I am keenly aware that I am frightening people more than a little bit, and I realise that this is the only small delight I get anymore: knowing that others worry, watching them get this sad, discouraged look on their face, like, Shit, bring in the professionals.
My mother cries when she sees my report card. Ellie, what's happening to you? she asks. She cries some more. My baby! What's happened to my baby? She calls Dr Isaac and asks why he can't make me better faster. She goes to see him, and pretty soon she's so crazy from dealing with me that she's a patient of his too.
I laughed out loud on the train.