Wednesday, 1 April 2015

dreams, dreams dreams dreams

i have been dreaming intensely over the past week.

usually at 10pm i'm off electronics and getting ready to shower then read in bed.

at 11pm i switch off the lights and close my eyes..

.. and then the dreams start.

after one dream ends the next one begins.

and i wake with a shock - on Sunday i woke at 6am! - even more exhausted from all the activities i've been doing in my sleep.

i can't really remember the content, but as i go about my day i'll have this flash of deja vu and think, ah i dreamed of this last night!

however 2 dreams stood out - the first one was from last week or before. i was talking to Murakami's wife, sitting at a table. Somehow she reminded me of Didion. after our chat i went for a walk with Murakami himself, and we discussed his age briefly.

什么鬼梦。as a hot-blooded 25-year-old i should be dreaming of Yamapi if i wanted to see Japanese men in my sleep -

Yamapi
怎么会跑去梦个老男人 Murakami

My beloved Murakami
竟然连别人的老婆也不放过-

Murakami and wife
连我自己都被我对 Murakami 的爱吓到。

除了这位老男人,我昨晚梦到了另一个老男人。

就是陈外公。

in my dream, grandpa Tan was.. singing Andy Lau songs!

don't ask me which one, i just knew it was an Andy Lau song!

he was at the karaoke. (my dream is so not anchored in any form of reality whatsoever.)

then daddy said, 'this is all for the best. the old businesses can't keep up. the prices of iron ore are falling, but he doesn't know it yet.'

next thing i knew, i was clubbing in a supermarket.

one of my girlfriends were there dancing in front of the cereal display with me, but i can't recall who.

then i woke up before my alarm went off.

today 二阿姨 sent through a video of grandpa Tan in hospital. in the video he still looked okay, unlike his last days as a skeleton. and he was talking eloquently in Hokkien about how blur my grandma Tan is. (grandma Tan suffers from mild dementia sometimes.)

i couldn't understand the whole video, and called 二阿姨 for a translation. she was with mum and put her on the line.

there's something about a mother's voice which makes daughters teary.

seeing that video made me a little sad, even though i wasn't close to grandpa Tan at all. i still miss them. sometimes i'll be pottering about at home and suddenly realise i have tears on my face.

every day i talk to grandpa Lim. nothing special, sometimes it's just a greeting. i'm going to do it for 3 months, then wean myself off it. maybe.

it's 10.32pm now, time to brush my teeth and prepare for my nightly adventures.

please let me dream of Yamapi tonight!

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