on the way back to Sydney from Coffs Harbour, B suddenly gave a commentary on the car's personalities.
'S is inquisitive.'
'J is inquisitive, too, but doesn't show it.'
'I'm inquisitive myself.'
'And Min is.. lalalalala!'
this brings to mind a convo i had with my friend R - we were chatting in the manner one can only do when one is alone with another. i think i was sharing some of the struggles i went through, when she'd suddenly laughed with surprise, exclaiming that she thought i never worried. 'carefree' was the exact word.
despite all the morbid thoughts whirling around in my head, i tend to come across as a very happy-go-lucky and easygoing person.
subjectivity can be amazing.
(it's just like how i remembered myself as a quiet child in primary school, but all my report cards beg to differ - Talkative!
Quite talkative in class!)
how can my memory be so different from my teacher's perception of me at that time?!
i must say i'm happy with these external perceptions people hold of me. because despite my anxiety and tendency to worry, it seems that on the surface i can still pass off as a chill person. not just a normal person, but way back on the other end of the spectrum as a chill person.
so maybe i am a chill person.
ever since i stopped trying to figure out the meaning of my life - panicking because everyday i was dying a little bit without gaining clarification on why i was alive in the first place - i feel much calmer.
The end of the race is just a temporary marker without much significance. It's the same with our lives. Just because there's an end doesn't mean existence has meaning.
Murakami i love you!!!