Friday, 8 January 2016

burning questions, midnight

burning question of the day (or night) was why nobody helped when mum was attempting to murder us.

we were walking around black and blue.. and continued doing so until, well, the last time i remember mum trying to hit me was back in 2010 (age: 21).

haihhh, i can't sleep tonight thinking about all my memories of getting punched, pinched, slapped, smacked and even kicked. somebody had to open that can of worms.

have you ever, as a child, sat opposite a very angry person who is cutting fruits, barely daring to breathe, wondering if the knife is going to come flying at you? ain't no fun, i can tell you. (the knife did fly once, thankfully towards the table.)

another burning question is how mothers can find it in themselves to abuse their children. we were small and skinny (ah, the thin days!), and i'm sure it takes some hardcore strength to draw blood, but she managed it anyway. aren't mothers supposed to have some maternal instinct to protect their broods or whatever?

the thing is, she knew it was wrong to hit children so much and so hard as to leave bruises and welts. (let's not even go to the tooth story.) she knew enough to tell us to keep it from people, otherwise she would be taken away, or we would be taken away. what did children know.. then (nowadays children know a lot.)

third burning question is, will i step up if i see child abuse? in korean dramas or magazine articles, this would be the beautiful climax where i extoll XYZ for their work in fighting child abuse (harr harrrrr) and/or share my personal story where i saved some poor kiddo from getting bashed up.

but no. i know that even if people did try to stop my mum from hitting us, how long can they help? they'll probably just ruin their relationship with mum and mum will probably take out her frustration on us. and then what? what will happen to us? what will change? if even my own blood mother can hit me until i need saving, i don't want to imagine what non-blood-related people can do.

so, yeah, totally pessimistic and all, maybe donate some money and say some prayers. good luck, kiddos.

after i finish typing this, i'm gonna go dig out my LV bags and hug them. maybe sleep with my favourite one. while wearing my Omega watch. little nice things which came from mum (using dad's money - half my wardrobe, toiletries and bags come from home. i haven't decided if i'm doing mum a favour or if she is doing me one by bulk-buying stuff she thinks we'll need).

think good thoughts. my new Schroeder 100. G-Dragon. Coco Banana Lim. the complimentary steamed eggs at the Korean restaurant on New Year's Day. the theatre. haircut tomorrow at At the Garden Tokyo. daydreams about getting a Shiba Inu and marrying G-Dragon. my newly-purchased Nigellissima by my bed. lemon-scented bin liners (don't judge la, i feel so high class whenever i use them.) Amos! my friends. the new earrings i ordered. attending my friends' weddings (uninvited) via FaceTime. my first high school boyfriend matching my parents' allowance^^ (that was the sweetest, really.)

see? life doesn't suck-all just because your childhood was a bit terrifying and nobody cared! i'm 27 now (yes, i hate that i'm old and my skin is losing elasticity; but i love that i don't get beat up anymore and i live in peace and quiet in Australia.)

on this note, good night, good night, good night!

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