Friday, 22 January 2016

the rabbits

over dinner with friend last week, my answer to the post rote 'how are you?' prod of 'how are you, really?' resulted in me saying, 'Bored.' with such vehemence and anguish my friend got slightly alarmed.

'mind-numbingly bored. aren't you bored?' i'd asked. (he wasn't.)

it amazes me why people don't get bored. i have quite a full schedule, and i feel bored. in a typical week, i visit the theater once after work during the week (The Rabbits this week - finally saw Kate Miller-Heidke perform in person!).

i cook a new dish every week (this week it was nam jin chicken, a Thai dish).

i haul my ass to the gym (2 times this week- one 6:15am Adrenaline class where a trainer walked around the class shouting instructions while i feel disgusted by my own sweat and a Zumba class).

on Saturdays, my friends plan and drag me to events. (last Saturday it was lunch at The Grumpy Barista > rock climbing > The Sound of Music at Capitol Theater.) this Saturday it will be.. teeth cleaning > movie + dinner with friends. (and i'm so ashamed but my friends had to make me go-

friend: hi, min? is that you? or am i talking to your voicemail?

me: it's me. are you surprised that i answered?

friend: yes.

me: i'm surprised that i answered too.)

i'm sorry i haven't been picking up. soweeee. i swear, one day my friends will stop loving me and calling me and then i'll be really sorry that i avoid calls.

my friends have to make me hang out with them and have fun. something is wrong with this sentence.

and on Sundays i attend violin class.

so there is always lots to do, but i just feel so.. nothing.

when friends say, you must be looking forward to your Japan trip! or You must feel happy you achieved this-or-that!

i'm actually thinking, no. not really. i don't feel much of anything at all. 

and then i'll feel guilty for being so ungrateful, so i'll smile and say, yes, thanks! i think it will be good.

while on the inside i'm thinking, oh my gosh i hope they don't expect me to be happy! or to express positive emotions! or to express any emotions! don't talk to me unless it's to make lighthearted jokes or gossip. or to discuss Park Hae Jin, who is recently enjoying same ranking as G-Dragon in my heart - meaning I want to shop from Bean Pole all. the. time. 

okay, the real reason i want to fly to South Korea and buy Bean Pole is.. Suzy.

omg so beautiful how.

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